Thursday, September 28, 2006

It Would Have Been Cheaper To Go Somewhere On Vacation

A casual observer who was just tuning in to my life for the first time today might jump to the conclusion that I enjoy spending large amounts of money.
This casual observer, in addition to being bored out of his or her skull by the banal nature of my existence, would be dead wrong, however, as, despite appearances, I do not enjoy spending large amounts of money.
Let me just say that for something to which the terms “HD,” “LCD,” “Wi-Fi,” or “Core Duo” do not apply, beds are ungodly expensive.
In any case, after getting up, having breakfast, and steeling myself for dropping a big chunk of cash, I headed off in search of a mattress store.
On my way out the door I heard the woman upstairs locking her door, which meant that I was leaving just in time to avoid listening to her dog mourn her absence.
It also meant that I finally got a pretty clear look at her. When I’d seen her before she was largely hiding behind the door, prepared to slam it in my face on a moment’s notice (which is the position I would expect pretty much any woman living alone – even with a big dog – to assume if I came knocking on her door, even though I am perfectly harmless and not nearly so creepy as I might appear), so I while she seemed reasonably attractive I’d never gotten a good look at her body.
I have to say, with some reluctance, owing to the fact that my hatred of her dog has spilled over to her, that she’s not bad, not bad at all.
Anyway, after I left I got to the mattress store and was set upon by the woman working there who began the process of helping me narrow down what I was looking for.
I have to say that lying down on a bed inside of a store with a salesperson hovering over you isn’t the most comfortable way to spend your time, though she did go off to help some other customers, which allowed me to relax a little more and thereby more accurately gauge the comfort level of the two mattress types I’d narrowed my selection down to.
Eventually I decided that while one was slightly more comfortable than the other it was not, as the saleslady put it, “$100 more comfortable,” and so I opted for the cheaper, slightly less comfortable mattress with the pillow top rather than the “plush” top and which lacked the titanium bands that provide some sort of additional back support.
While I was at it I figured that I might as well buy a headboard, as my current bed is lacking one.
So as I pointed out to Scott I will now have something to handcuff women to, though of course I’m still lacking one major component.
However, Scott pointed out that I am at least 50% of the way there, though he wasn’t aware of the fact that I also have handcuffs, and so am actually 66% of the way there.
Anyway, to stray back out of TMI territory, the grand total came to just shy of a whopping $900.
During yesterday’s cleaning frenzy I decided that my 20th Century vacuum cleaner was not up to the task of cleaning in the 21st Century and so needed to be replaced.
Of course, that was before I’d decided on buying a new bed and had just dropped close to a grand on one.
However, I decided that in for a penny, in for a pound…or more accurately, in for $900, in for over a grand, and so I went over to Super Target to pick one out.
I was surprised to discover that until you start straying into Dyson territory vacuums aren’t really as expensive as I expected them to be. Since my cleaning needs aren’t quite so extreme as to require a Dyson. After all, I don’t have any pets, and so I don’t have the need for that extreme pet hair removing power, though it occurs to me that if you have a pet hair problem serious enough that you need to consider buying a Dyson there’s a solution that doesn’t require dropping $500-600 on a vacuum cleaner.
But that’s jus me.
Anyway, I was able to get off pretty cheaply, compared to my earlier purchase at least, opting for a Eureka that was priced pretty well in the middle between the high and low end, and which can be seen here:

Once I got home and assembled it I decided that it was time for lunch. I hadn’t gotten lunch while I was out because I didn’t have any cash on me and really wasn’t sure what I wanted anyway.
A few weekends ago at work, though, I’d made a late-morning trip over to the and when I was walking from the store back to my car I smelled chicken.
This isn’t unusual as there is a Popeye’s nearby.
What was unusual was the fact that it smelled like KFC, enough so that it made me want KFC and resolve that within the next few days I would have some.
Out here in VA I’ve noticed that KFC tends to be paired with Taco Bell, and last week when I wrote about driving around Leesburg looking for a place to have lunch, that had come about from me thinking that the Taco Bell here in Leesburg was paired with a KFC. However, it’s paired with a Pizza Hut, and I learned later that there isn’t a KFC anywhere in Leesburg.
So today, after I was finished with the vacuum I decided to head to the KFC in Ashburn, after which I headed to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things I hadn’t gotten at Super Target.
Among them was the DVD of Bound, a great movie that would be great even if it didn’t feature hot girl on girl action, but it does feature hot girl on girl action so it’s an even greater movie than it already was. Lots of interesting pre-Matrix camera work from the Wachowski Brothers.
I grabbed it because it was on the $7.50 rack and I thought, “Why not?”
While I was grabbing it I noticed that Army of Darkness was also on the cheap rack.
I love this movie but don’t own it because there are like a zillion different versions of it, so I’ve never been able to decide which version to buy. Today I decided to just say “Screw it” and buy the cheap version.
While I was at it I also grabbed a copy of the director’s cut of Donnie Darko.
So not everything I bought today was utilitarian and boring, though I find it odd that the coolest stuff I bought was also the cheapest.
Oh well.
I won’t actually get the bed until tomorrow. I have a delivery window of 3-5.
At least they’ll set it up for me and haul away the old bed.
And anyway, for all my expense I got a new bed and a new vacuum cleaner! Who says that I don’t know how to party like a rock star?
In any case, my KFC lunch was long enough ago that it’s time I start figuring out what I’m going to have for dinner.

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