A New Branch Of Science

Scott:  That'd be awesome
Me:  which is why it won't happen.
Scott:  ayup
Me:  life is fundamentally opposed to awesomeness.
Scott:  Seems like an unexplored law of thermodynamics or another branch of physics
Me:  heh
Me:  The Quantum Theory of Life's Fundamental Opposition to Awesomeness
Scott:  lol, exactly
Me:  "When you get down to very smallest levels of existence, you will find the suckyon, the most fundamental particle of matter.  Suckyon exerts a strong oppositional force to the awesomuon, the building block of awesomeness."
Scott:  Which is unfortunate for the awesomuon, as its half life is measured in only a few picoseconds.
Me:  this phenomenon has been labelled "Shitty Action at a Distance."
Scott:  Yes, as owing to the uncertainty principle, awesomuons cannot be observed at close distances.
Me:  a lesser-known attribute of the "shrodinger's cat" thought experiment is that regardless of the outcome, things will turn out shitty, and the cat exists in a superposition in which it is both alive and dead and also terrible.
Scott:  suckyons are just that powerful. The half-life of a suckyon, in contrast to an awesomuon is measured in decades, which explains the 70s, 80s, and 90s.
Me:  this demonstrates the principle that light is a particle and a wave and it also sucks.
Scott:  One would think that the opposite would be true in the absence of light. But no, suckyons are plentiful regardless of the levels of light present.
Me:  i wonder how well this will hold up to peer review?
Scott:  I don't know, but we'll never get it published anyway. Just mentioning the suckyon is enough to draw it out in mass quantities.
Me:  it's true.  i'll have to pursue publication in the alternative press.  i'm sure i could get it into some creationist science journal.
Me:  or get us a show on the history channel
Scott:  Hm, I'm trying to decide which of those is more likely.
Scott:  They're probably about even.
Me:  yeah.  throw in "Aliens!" and it'll be THC.  substitute "total depravity/fallen world" for suckyon, and the creationists will eat it up.
Scott:  Yup, very true.
Me:  ooh!  i can tip it towards creationism!  "The Irreducible Complexity of Suckiness."
Scott:  lol
Scott:  Throw in one word about it being mentioned in Daniel and Revelation and we'd be gold in the PMD world.
Me:  "As can clearly be seen by a careful reading of Daniel, Revelation, Leviticus, and the Left Behind series, the level of suckiness in the world cannot be explained by natural causes alone and must therefore require a shitty designer."
Scott:  Yeah, I think you've got something there.