Scott: That'd be awesome
Me: which is why it won't happen.
Me: life is fundamentally opposed to awesomeness.
Scott: Seems like an unexplored law of thermodynamics or another branch of physics
Me: The Quantum Theory of Life's Fundamental Opposition to Awesomeness
Scott: lol, exactly
Me: "When you get down to very smallest levels of existence, you will find the suckyon, the most fundamental particle of matter. Suckyon exerts a strong oppositional force to the awesomuon, the building block of awesomeness."
Scott: Which is unfortunate for the awesomuon, as its half life is measured in only a few picoseconds.
Me: this phenomenon has been labelled "Shitty Action at a Distance."
Scott: Yes, as owing to the uncertainty principle, awesomuons cannot be observed at close distances.
Me: a lesser-known attribute of the "shrodinger's cat" thought experiment is that regardless of the outcome, things will turn out shitty, and the cat exists in a superposition in which it is both alive and dead and also terrible.
Scott: suckyons are just that powerful. The half-life of a suckyon, in contrast to an awesomuon is measured in decades, which explains the 70s, 80s, and 90s.
Me: this demonstrates the principle that light is a particle and a wave and it also sucks.
Scott: One would think that the opposite would be true in the absence of light. But no, suckyons are plentiful regardless of the levels of light present.
Me: i wonder how well this will hold up to peer review?
Scott: I don't know, but we'll never get it published anyway. Just mentioning the suckyon is enough to draw it out in mass quantities.
Me: it's true. i'll have to pursue publication in the alternative press. i'm sure i could get it into some creationist science journal.
Me: or get us a show on the history channel
Scott: Hm, I'm trying to decide which of those is more likely.
Scott: They're probably about even.
Me: yeah. throw in "Aliens!" and it'll be THC. substitute "total depravity/fallen world" for suckyon, and the creationists will eat it up.
Scott: Yup, very true.
Me: ooh! i can tip it towards creationism! "The Irreducible Complexity of Suckiness."
Scott: Throw in one word about it being mentioned in Daniel and Revelation and we'd be gold in the PMD world.
Me: "As can clearly be seen by a careful reading of Daniel, Revelation, Leviticus, and the Left Behind series, the level of suckiness in the world cannot be explained by natural causes alone and must therefore require a shitty designer."
Scott: Yeah, I think you've got something there.