Friday, August 03, 2012

Live And Don’t Learn

We have this program of irregularly-scheduled presentations at work called “Lunch and Learn,” during which various people from within the organization I work in give an hour-long talk on a particular topic – generally something related to their work – at lunch time, and lunch is provided for the audience.
Today, I had to give a presentation.  Well, “had to” isn’t really the right way to put it, given that it was my idea to give the presentation in the first place.
In any case, I won’t bore you with the details of the topic – it has to do with my job, so trust me when I say you’d be bored – but I will say that it was generally well-received, and many people commented that it was the best one they’ve ever been to.
So, yay me.
I made the session more interesting by making it interactive, and also by being funny.  I can do that, sometimes.  (This blog notwithstanding)
When I started things off, I introduced myself and said, “Those of you who know me may be surprised to learn that I do actually talk.  Those of you who don’t know me may be surprised to learn that I exist.”


At some point in the morning, someone asked me, “Are you ready for your Lunch and Learn?”  Before I could respond, someone else said, “He’s going to do a Live and Learn.”
I said, “No, it’s more like a Live and Don’t Learn.”


Boss:  …and I’m a lot younger than you are.
Me:  You’re not a lot younger than I am.
Boss:  I didn’t mean it like that.
Me:  How else could you mean it?
Boss:  Not that way.


Co-Worker:  Do you get nervous when you have to talk in front of a bunch of people?
Me:  No.  I used to, but not anymore.
Co-Worker:  What changed?
Me:  I stopped caring.

(Or as I put it to someone else with less sensitive ears, “How nervous I get is directly proportionate to the number of fucks I give.”)


Somewhere along the line they stopped ordering pizza for the Lunch and Learn sessions and started ordering other kinds of foods.  Today it was a huge multi-section sub.  I wasn’t really in the mood for that, so I didn’t have any.
I didn’t really have time to eat anyway, as I was going to be presenting.
When I got home, I still had pizza on the brain, and, because I’ve started up on the Captain America workout, I’m supposed to be eating more, so I decided to order a pizza.
It arrived quickly.  So quickly, in fact, that in their haste to deliver it, they didn’t so much slice the pizza as merely threaten it with something sharp.


The Lunch and Learn experience reminded me of something that happened years ago when I worked at AOL and my then-boss made me conduct a training session for my peers.
After it was over, she told me, “I’m so happy you did that!  Now everyone knows that you’re funny!”


While we were waiting for our flight out of Austin the other week, I noticed this attractive young woman who had what I can only describe as a great “look.”
It was what I would call a “modern alt-model retro pin-up look,” which I realize probably only makes sense in my head, but there you go.
The look was evocative of what are known as Rat Rod Girls, though the look was bit less…well, I don’t want to say “trashy,” but…I suppose I should say a bit more sophisticated.  Also, she didn’t appear to have any tats (visible ones, at any rate), so she wasn’t quite what comes to mind when I think “alt-model,” but I suppose it was just that she was thoroughly modern in terms of the way she was dressed, but the flower in her hair and her shoes gave her a sort of vintage look at the same time.
The way she was sitting, and her features, added to the effect.
As mentioned, she had a flower in her hair, and she was wearing a tight pink tank top, and a short, pink skirt – with a substantial slit up the side – paired with a gray hoodie.
Given that I was with my VP and other people from work, I didn’t want to just walk up to her and say, “You have a great look, and I would love to draw you,” but at the same time, I did want to do that.
Ultimately, even if I’d been there by myself, I doubt that I would have, because I can’t imagine any non-creepy way to do something like that.


lbugsh2 said...

I do not think they would have been shocked that you can talk but more shocked that you can laugh. But then again I am a crazy pregnant woman with twins.

Merlin T Wizard said...

I'm sure her immediate response would have been something along the lines of, "Draw me like one of your french girls, Jon."

Jon-Paul Maki said...

I think I've mostly drawn American, British, and Hungarian girls. No French girls spring to mind.