The Only Excitement In My Bedroom

Scott came over for movie night last night, and, prior to his arrival – I had worked from home yesterday – I realized that to a normal person my house would probably seem a bit chilly, so I turned the heat up.  Way up.
By the time I went to bed and had turned the heat down, it was in the 80s upstairs.
When I woke up this morning I was immediately confronted by the unmistakable odor of stinkbugs.
I figured that there must have been some lying around dormant in the house before being roused by the previous evening’s unusual warmth.
As I went about my morning ritual, though, I noticed that the stink seemed to be following me, and at one point as I was scratching my nose I realized that the stink was on me.
Fortunately it was nothing that a little sweat couldn’t take care of, so, post-workout, and no longer stinking of stinkbug but stinking of Jon instead, I headed back upstairs to take a shower.
At some point while I was getting dressed I happened to glance in the direction of my bed, where I saw the crushed corpse of a stinkbug right where I had previously been sleeping.
So that explained that.
It figures; the first time in a very long time that I didn’t sleep alone and my bedtime companion turned out to be smelly and disgusting and wound up dead…

****

Universe:  Hey Jon, you look pretty beat.  Rough week?
Me:  Yeah.  I know I worked from home yesterday, but I’m still exhausted from Wednesday.  Only I could manage to go in to work late and still end up working a thirteen hour day.
Universe:  How did that happen?
Me:  Well, I had to do a 9 PM training session and I didn’t want to go in to work, come home, then drive back in again, so I went in late and just stayed there, but I also worked from home for a couple of hours before I went it.  Plus I did a bunch of work when I got home the night before.  So that was a fourteen hour day.
Universe:  Well, you should take a nap.
Me:  Ehh, maybe.  But there’s some stuff I wanted to get done, and there’s a bunch of recorded TV on the DVR.
Universe:  You’ve got plenty of time for that.  It’s a long weekend.
Me:  Yeah, I guess you’re right, I could – wait, what are you up to?
Universe:  Nothing!  I’m just concerned about your well-being.
Me:  Uh huh.
Universe:  Seriously, everything is off-kilter for you this week.  Your schedule was all messed up, you didn’t get to work out as much as you should have, you didn’t really eat well...you need some rest.
Me:  Hmph.  Don’t think that I agree with you just because you’re right.
Universe:  Noted.  Now climb on into bed.
Universe:  Jon?
Me:  What?
Universe:  Are you asleep yet?
Me:  Does it look like I’m asleep?
Universe:  Sorry, just checking.
Universe:  …
Universe:  How about now?
Me:  No.
Universe:  …
Universe:  Now?
Me:  Zzzzz
Universe:  Jon?
Me:  Zzzzz
Universe:  Are you dreaming?
Me:  *Mumble*
Universe:  Oh, seems like a nice dream.  That’s cool.
Universe:  …
Universe:  COBRAS!  There are cobras attacking your feet!  Your entire room is crawling with them!
Me:  EEEEYAAAAHHHHH!  COBRAS!  GEDDEMOFF!  GEDDEMOFF!  GEDEM – what the hell?
Universe:  Oh, you’re awake already?  That wasn’t much of a nap.
Me:  I hate you.