Saturday, September 26, 2009

Quick Shots

A Conversation At Work:

C0-Worker: You should have been a comedian. You missed your calling.
Me: Mm. I definitely missed something.


This is what my day was like on Thursday:

10-11: Meeting
11-12: Meeting
1-2: Meeting
2-3: Meeting (Actually, I was triple-booked)
3-5: Meeting
5-5:30: Meeting

With all of these meetings, how am I supposed to get anything done? And how am I going to juggle the demands of my career when I'm a recent widower trying to raise my three daughters, with the help of my brother-in-law, the bad boy rocker, and my best friend, the zany stand-up comic?
Oh, wait. That last bit was the premise of Full House, and bears no relation to my life.
Still, the point about too many meetings remains valid.


It only took two and a half years or so, but I've finally finished bagging and boarding all of my comics. The next step is getting them all in order and entering them into my database, but when it's all over, if someone asks me, "What have you accomplished in life?" I'll have somethig I can point to and say "This."
And yes, that really is as sad as it sounds.


Now It Can (Probably) Be Told Department:
When I bought my condo back in early 2006 there was a knock on my door sometime within the first day or two of my moving in.
It was a representative from Nielsen Media (the people who, among other things, do TV ratings) who informed me that for the last few months or so he'd been driving by my place waiting to see if anyone had moved in yet.
Turns out that the previous tenants had been a Nielsen Household, and he explained that Nielsen Households are selected by address and are typically selected for a period of about two years. The previous tenants had been a Nielsen Household for about six months, which meant that, now that I had moved in, it was my turn to be a Nielsen Household for the balance of the two years.
So from that point until I moved, I had a hand in determining what people watch.
I'll probably write more about my experience as a Nielsen Household some other time, but it just occurred to me that it's been about two years since I moved, and "up to two years" was the period during which I was not legally permitted to reveal to strangers that I had been a Nielsen Household. So now that I can, I'm spilling the beans.


On my way in to work this morning (I had meetings from 9-10, 10-11, 12-1, and 1-2) I was listening to the Suicidal Tendencies album Lights...Camera...Revolution, and got several lines from some of the songs stuck in my head. It had been my intention to greet Scott, via IM, with the line "Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, fuck you Jack I be a lunatic," but circumstances (and a faulty memory) prevented that. However, when I had a spare moment and visited Comics Should Be Good! I read an article that started off with another line from a song on that album (albeit with the very last part omitted): "And if I offended you, oh I'm sorry but maybe you need to be offended, but here's my apology and one more thing: fuck you." There was a footnote attached to that quote, which was actually another line from the song I was going to quote at Scott: "I don't need no PhD to be a doctor of fuckin' misery."
There's no point to that anecdote, of course, other than to draw attention to a weird - and profanity-laden - coincidence.


This Is Why You're Fat.

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