Thursday, May 07, 2009

Some Conversations

In My Director's Office:

My Director: (Humming)
Me: Were you just humming "Dare to be Stupid?"
My Director: No.
My Director: ...maybe.
My Director: I don't know.

In the Elevator With My VP:

VP: So, what are you working on?
Me: Well, I'll be working on this week's TPS* Report today.
VP: Oh yeah, how's that going? Are you liking it, or is it a pain in the ass?
Me: Uhh...well, it's kind of, um, it's, well, it's a pai-
VP: It's a pain in the ass.
Me: Well...yeah. But it's getting better.
VP: Good. You're doing a great job with it. We're getting lots of good praise for it.

In My Boss' Office (After relating the VP elevator story, emphasinzing the "I'm doing a great job" part):

My Boss: Well, that's good. It's giving us some good visibility. I guess that from now on we'll just have to assign you all of the pain in the butt jobs.
Me: So business as usual, then?
My Boss: Exactly.

Yelling At My Hands As They Flail About Uselessly While Attempting a Simple Task:

Me: You're my goddamned hands so you'll do what I goddamned tell you to do!

Lying To My Blog's Pitifully Tiny Readership:

Me: Oh, yeah, I'll post something worthwhile really soon.

*Okay, it's actually called the "Flash Report**," but I couldn't resist the opportunity for an Office Space reference.

**If it were up to me, this is what the "Flash Report" would look like:

  • Barry Allen has been brought back to life after being dead for nearly 24 years. He's not happy about it, and neither am I.
  • Bart Allen has also been brought back to life after being dead for considerably less time.
  • Jay Garrick is still going strong.
  • Wally West is married and has a son and a daughter who have weird powers.
  • Flash! Aaahhhh aaahhhh! He saved every one of us!

1 comment:

Merlin T Wizard said...

I'm in favor of your Flash Report.

Word Verification: fosur
concatenation of slang "for", which is "fo'" and "sure" with silent "e" dropped for convenience.
"I'm in favor of your Flash Report fosur!"