Boring Day Entry

Yesterday the company held one of its “beer bashes” here.
This one was special, though, because it was the last one, or at least the last one here.
That’s because the building I work in has been sold, and everyone is being relocated from Reston to Dulles. Dulles has plenty of room due to the massive layoffs that have taken place over the last couple of years.
A lot of people have already made the move – Scott was trying to see if there had been any noticeable change in dress code when we were in Dulles on Monday, as the Reston people tend to take the companywide casual dress code to the extreme end of casual compared to the people in Dulles – but there are quite a few who still haven’t.
Even though yesterday was the official “goodbye,” we’re still very far from having everyone relocated, and it looks like that won’t be happening until last week.
The process has been going on for quite some time, and it led me to say to Scott yesterday that, “It’s starting to seem like the end of Return of the King; every time you think it’s over, it starts up again.”
Those of us working in the NOC, though, aren’t going anywhere until September, as they have yet to actually build a space for us in Dulles.
That means that for a few months we’ll be the only people in the building. Although this means losing the cafeteria, I’m still kind of looking forward to every day being like Saturday here in terms of empty hallways, break rooms, and bathrooms.
It also means that I’ll probably never again see the pretty girl who smiles at me that I sometimes see, though I haven’t seen her in a long time anyway.
Of course, there is one person from the NOC who will be heading to Dulles before September; next weekend is Scott’s last, as he will be moving into a new 9 to 5 job.
I’m going to come right out and say that I’ll miss him; he and I hit it off almost immediately when I started in this job almost five years ago. He’s been a very good friend to me all along and has done a lot to make this job more bearable.
Okay, that’s all the schmaltz you’re going to get out of me.
Speaking of friends, the other day after I got off the phone with Brian I thought, “You know, I should probably try to acquire at least one more friend. One who can actually go to R-rated movies.”
Then again, if I’m going to go through the effort of acquiring friends I might as well go a step further and give finding someone who could be more than a friend, and I just don’t have the energy – or unfounded and baseless optimism – to try to do that.
So screw it.
(Hey kids! Remember, trying is hard, and you’ll probably fail! So let “screw it” be your watchword. And that’s today’s Threshold Edutainment for Kids Life Lesson!)
Yesterday I burned my way through yet another comics-related blog, having gone through all of the archives and read everything of interest.
This leaves me little to do on my weekday workdays, as I can’t really bust out the comics (in hard or soft copy form) when there are management types skulking about.
Blogging is considerably less obtrusive and thus easier to get away with.
Of course, when I do that, Clueless the Wonder Intern gets curious and wants to see what I’m doing. As soon as he hears the clacking of keys his head pivots and he tries to puzzle out what I’m doing, thinking that maybe this is some opportunity to learn some important new skill, little realizing that I’m not doing anything worthwhile and that he isn’t actually capable of learning anyway.
Lately, now that it’s just he and I on the desk, he’s been sitting as close to me as possible, which annoys me. After all, as I’ve mentioned, at one time there were six of us working on this desk, so there’s plenty of room, and no reason for two people to be sitting right next each other.
The layout of the desk goes Windows PC, Linux PC, Windows PC, etc. To do my job, I take up four stations using one of each, sitting in front of a Windows box, and using the Linux and Windows boxes to my left. There’s Linux box to my right, which I’m using, and a Windows box next to that which I’m not using. He typically sits at that Windows box, which is too close, especially when I do something on the Linux box and he has to lean in close to try to see what I’m doing.
If he were a normal person, I would just say, “Hey, back the hell up off me,” but he’s not. It would take too much time and effort (Hey kids, what did I say about trying?) to explain the concept of personal space to him.
So if direct, blunt, tactless confrontation won’t work, that leaves only deception and trickery.
Towards that end, yesterday morning I turned off all of the computers immediately to my right and made sure that the fourth computer over was prominently on. Further, I moved all seats away from the desk except for one, which I placed in front of said computer.
This didn’t even give him pause; he moved the chair over and parked his ass right next to me.
This morning, however, I was smarter. I logged on to the computer he usually sits at, loaded up some graphs, and when he came in I told him that I needed to monitor them and required an unobstructed view.
(It wasn’t entirely a lie.)
Even so, he sat in that spot for several minutes just staring at the graphs as if he could somehow, through some magical process, figure out what they mean.
Eventually, after I’d said, multiple times, “Just use that computer down there,” he moved.
I will use this tactic from now on, since, as mentioned, he can’t learn, and will therefore never see through it.
In any case, I have a conference call that I should probably pay attention to, so I guess I’ll wrap this up.

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Threshold...

...which normally consists of my various and assorted complaints, the minutiae of my life, and the occasional picture I've drawn of some hot chick, to post, uh, this:



Yeah, I don't know either.
Basically I was just messing around with some different brushes and filters, kind of doing this whole Bob Ross "Joy of Painting" thing, and this was the end result.
I thought I'd post it because A. it's different from my usual stuff and B. I kind of like it.
Not sure why I like it, though, and who knows if any of you will like it, but anyway, there it is. Make of it what you will.

Maybe I'll Watch The Grass Grow

I woke up this morning sometime after 6 and, given that this is my short day I thought about just staying up, but then I thought about not staying up and that idea won out.
I woke up at several other points after that and thought about getting up, but there was a wonderfully cool breeze blowing through the window and right across me, and when that happens it’s almost impossible for me to move, because lying in bed while a cool breeze blows across me ranks up pretty high on my list of favorite things.
(What do you want from me? I don’t drink and I don’t smoke and I have no sex life; my list of favorite things is naturally pretty short and I have to really stretch to come up with things to put on it.)
Eventually I forced myself to get up and do the usual bit of nothing that is my morning ritual. After talking to my mother I took a shower and gave Brian a call.
We had tentative plans to see Knocked Up yesterday, but when I talked to him then he said, “I don’t have time for the likes of you,” so I decided to try again today. This time he said, “I have more interesting things to do than go to a movie with you – like watching paint dry.”
Come to think of it, I may be paraphrasing a bit and he probably didn’t say anything quite like that, but the end result was that we didn’t go yesterday and didn’t go today.
I thought about just going by myself, but that would have meant having to gas up the car, and then deal with afternoon traffic on the drive back. Considering that I don’t especially like going to movies alone anyway, I decided to call it a miss.
Instead I just made a quick trip to the comic shop to pick up this week’s books, and now here I am.
Wish I had some paint to watch dry.

Eye Don't Know If Eye Like It

I think I liked the concept of this better than my actual execution of it, but here it is for you to judge for yourselves whether or not you like it:



While I'm not sure I like the picture, I do like the idea of the product. Someone out there needs to start manufacturing it.
I supposed this could be viewed as being misognystic and sexist, but alternatively it could be viewed as making a statement about misogyny and sexism.
Or it could just be some random picture I did.
Speaking of pictures, you may have noticed that there is now a picture in the header rather than text.
Of course, you may not have noticed, and, in fact, probably didn't, because who actually pays attention anyway?
Either way, there it is.
I'm kind of annoyed right now because I just got back from a training session in Reston, or rather, got back from what was supposed to be a training session. I sat and waited for ten minutes and no one showed up, so I said screw it and came home.
If I mention that I went grocery shopping this morning - which I just did - the picture and the training thing will bring you up to date on what I've done today.
So there you go.

You Guys Suck (No, Not YOU GUYS. I Mean My Cable Company)

After I got home yesterday I sent off some hate mail to my cable company. My cable company, by the way, is DirecPath, formerly Mediaworks. Their site can be found here. They claim to be the three-time winner of the “Cable Operator of the Year” Award, though I can’t help but wonder if they created the award themselves, like a man buying a “World’s Greatest Dad” mug for himself. If any of you out there are currently using their “services,” you have my sympathy, and if you’re about to movie into a complex that is “served” by them, my only suggestion is “Don’t.”


When I began using your service over a year ago my Internet connection had a downstream speed of about 1 Mbps and an upstream speed of about 240-250 Kbps. It was not exactly the fastest connection, but it was at least acceptable.
This remained the case until about a month ago, at which point my speed dropped to a range of 212-253 Kbps.
When I first called in to complain about slow speeds, the immediate response I received was “We only offer 1 Mbps.”
When I went on to explain that I was getting considerably less than 1 megabit, the response changed to “We only offer 256 Kbps.”
Technical support informed me that my account was “set” at 256K and that I would need to have my account changed. This was despite the fact that I’m still paying the same amount that I’ve paid right from the start, most of which time I was receiving speeds of 1 Mbps. The technical support person stated that it was not possible for me to have ever received that sort of speed with the way my account was set, basically saying that either A. I’m mistaken about the speeds I was receiving, indicating that I’m not savvy enough to notice a more than 75% decrease in speed or that B. I’m lying about having ever received higher speeds.
When I spoke to someone in customer service and asked how it was that, with no accompanying decrease in price, my account was set to a lower level of service I was told that the top speed offered has always been 256 Kbps, again, implying that I’m mistaken or lying about my previous speeds.
I work in the Network Operation Center of a major ISP, and have worked in technical support for DSL and cable Internet services – I know the difference between 1 Mbps and 256 Kbps; I am not lying when I say that I had previously been receiving 1 Mbps, nor am I mistaken, so the claim that the speed offered has “always” been 256 Kbps is patently false.Clearly the level of service I receive has been changed dramatically and without notice (or even an acknowledgment on your part that it has changed, as the response I receive is that it’s “always” been that way, even though when I initially mention that my problem is related to speed I’m informed that you offer 1 Mbps) with no corresponding change to the amount I am paying for said service.
A technician was supposed to be dispatched to my residence to discuss my concerns about my Internet service on 5/30. No one ever stopped by
My current speed, per Broadband Reports, is 238 Kbps down, 242 Kbps up.
In the 21st Century this barely qualifies as broadband, and is certainly not a level of service that is appropriate for the amount of money I’m paying per month, particularly when I had been receiving speeds more than four times faster for the same price.
To say that I am frustrated would be putting it mildly. This is clearly an unacceptable situation. I am paying far too much money per month to receive less than a quarter of the speed I had been receiving for more than a year, and the speeds I am currently receiving barely qualify as broadband.
They certainly don’t match up to the claims of being “blazingly fast” or 30 times faster than 28.8 dial-up that are listed on your Web site. I’m not certain why you base your speed comparisons to a 28.8 modem, given that 56 Kbps modems have been the standard for nearly a decade, though that’s neither here nor there.
I have previously sent in a complaint about this (as well as a complaint about my TV service, which has been at least partially addressed) and did not receive a response. The response I receive upon calling is neither consistent nor helpful.
Please respond to this communication. Given that I can get DSL service at three times my current speed for less than half the cost, I will likely make the switch unless I receive an acceptable response.

Thank you,

Jon Maki

If You Try, You'll Fail. If You Don't Try, You'll Fail Even Worse.

Today I had a Microsoft Visio class at HQ, so that meant getting up a little earlier than is usual for a day off, and dealing with morning traffic, where I was reminded, as I always am, of a lesson I learned long ago: the Universe will seldom let you win, but will always punish you for not trying.
So even though it was a fruitless endeavor, I put the appropriate effort into getting around the slow-moving jackasses and the heavily-laden semis and construction equipment just because I knew that, though I would never succeed in getting all of the obstacles behind me, and, indeed, would somehow end up behind them once again after getting past them, somehow, through some fiendishly clever maneuvering on the Universe’s part, it would be even worse if I just accepted my fate and stayed behind them.
Still, I arrived with plenty of time to spare – especially since most experienced instructors know that it’s not worth starting a class until at least fifteen minutes after it’s supposed to start, as the people who work at our company have their own version of time.
In general, 9 AM means anywhere from 9:10 to 10:30.
It certainly doesn’t mean 9 AM.
The class was taught by one of the more experienced instructors, and one of the better ones out of all of the ones I’ve had.
Before heading to the class I made my way towards the cafeteria to get an energy drink.
Getting there meant going through doors that require badge access. Said doors were not opening for a woman who was trying them, nor would they open for my badge. Eventually someone else tried and they opened.
Later in the day, they worked just fine for my badge. Not sure what was going on there.
Scott was already there when I got to the class, and we waited until around 9:15 to start.
There were still two late arrivals.
I haven’t done much with Visio, so I actually learned a fair amount about what it can do.
I’m most interested in the ability to create floor plans, as that could come in very handy in my upcoming move, especially, as Scott pointed out, if I have a good idea of the layout before I actually move.
For lunch I considered having my default pizza, but then remembered that I would be having pizza for dinner, as I’d ordered a pizza last night so that I wouldn’t have to worry about bothering with making dinner after I got home from class.
I then decided to go for what was called the Tomato Mozzarella Angus Burger, but learned that, sadly, they had no mozzarella.
So I went with the special, the Southwestern Turkey Burger with Pineapple Pico de Gallo.
(As an aside, whenever I encounter Pico de Gallo, I always hear Liz Phair singing “Cinco de Mayo” in my head.)
It was okay, I guess. The Pico de Gallo was surprisingly bland, and the burger itself, as is often the case with ground turkey, was rather dry.
As per usual there were a few dim bulbs in the class. The thing is, it wasn’t so much that they had trouble with the program itself, but that they seemed to lack even the most basic of computer skills. It never ceases to amaze me how a technology-based company like ours can have so many employees who lack even the most basic level of computer literacy, though honestly it explains a lot.
Speaking of computer illiteracy, the other night when I was watching The Real Deal on TLC, I found myself getting extremely irritated.
(FYI, “Ginger Alexander’s boobs” and “Ginger Alexander and Richard Davis dating?” have become some of the top search generators. Sorry fellas – and ladies, if applicable – but I have no pictures of her boobs, and no specific knowledge that they are, so I refuse to speculate as to whether or not Ginger and Richard are dating, or whether or not she’s giving him hummers in his office, or doing it with him in secluded areas on job sites while work is going on around them because the danger of getting caught, by workers or on camera, makes it that much hotter.)
It was a rebroadcast of the previous week’s episode (which I missed, thanks to my shitty cable company) in which the Trademark gang was having problems with e-mail and the team was very upset with the service they were receiving from their IT guy.
To teach him a lesson, they agreed to renovate a house that said IT guy was thinking about purchasing at cost. The point of the lesson was that they would have the renovations done, and done well, within a very short period of time, which would prove to the IT guy that work can be done quickly.
Okay, while it may have been due to post-production editing, the IT guy did seem like kind of a goober who worked at a snail’s pace, but what bothered me was the total lack of understanding on the part of the computer users as to what’s involved in maintaining a network, and the continued apples and oranges comparisons that were being made about renovating a house and fixing a computer problem.
Installing cabinets is not even remotely similar to installing software; each process has its own unique challenges. There is no direct comparison between renovating a house and troubleshooting and maintaining a computer network, so there is no way to compare the time it takes to accomplish something in the one to the time it takes to accomplish something in the other.
It’s like the whole “If they can put a man on the moon…” complaint; on the surface it’s seemingly logical, but under scrutiny the complaint falls apart because the two items being compared are not even remotely similar.
So sure, it’s a good lesson in terms of work ethic, but beyond that it’s meaningless.
The other complaint I had was that Richard (naturally) was viewing it as a “teamwork” issue, but given that the IT department consisted of only one team member, who, exactly, was he supposed to be working with? Was he supposed to be engaging in teamwork with the users? Because, honestly, his relationship to that team was more analogous to the role of waterboy.
Was Richard authorizing him to hire on some additional IT people and create an IT “team,” as he seemed to be suggesting at one point? The idea of bringing on more people was never actually discussed, even though Richard kept complaining about the IT guy, who was alone, insisting on going it alone.
It was all rather baffling.
Ultimately, what I found most interesting was that it was one member of the team who was actually causing the mail server problems.
Anyway, in the end it all worked out; the house was finished on time and the IT guy learned the value of teamwork. Hooray!
And Ginger (and her boobs) and Richard went on a hot date after it was all over…is a bit of groundless and irresponsible speculation that I will not be engaging in.

A Helpful Reminder

M-O-O-N, That Spells Long, Lazy Sunday

It was yet another long weekend at work, spending all day Saturday sitting out on the desk alone, and, even worse, spending most of the day on Thursday and Friday not at the desk alone (having the intern for company is worse than having no company).
Still, Saturday was the worst, as it was a bad day that actually started on Friday night.
I went to bed at the usual (ridiculously – and, apparently, offensively – early) time, and soon fell asleep, only to wake up about two hours later. I managed to doze for about an hour before coming fully awake again and unable to get to sleep because I was absolutely starving.
So I got up, had a sandwich, watched some TV, then went back to bed.
I was awoken again around 3 AM by an enormously painful cramp in my left leg.
I get them every so often, but I can usually manage to get up and walk it off before it gets too painful.
Not this time.
I hopped out of bed and slowly and painfully forced my leg to straighten and my heel to press against the floor.
Sometime after that I managed to dose off again.
I felt less than rested when my iPod alarm went off, and was in no mood to hear Shirley Manson going on and on about how she thought I was special. Well that was your mistake, wasn’t in Shirley?
Anyway, on the drive in to work I was doing my damnedest to avoid getting stuck behind a slow-moving dump truck. My efforts caught the attention of a cop who decided to pull me over.
Luckily I managed to flirt my way out of it – or something. I have no idea why, but he opted not to give me a ticket and let me go with a warning. I’m thinking it’s the new do – all close-cropped and fascist-looking.
Still, it did delay me, particularly given that I was on my best behavior for the rest of the drive.
I barely had enough time to stop at the convenience store to get a much-needed energy drink.
Some creepy jackass with a guitar sitting there begging attempted to accost me, but I completely ignored him.
Later, Scott told me that when he stopped there before work guitar boy asked him for a ride to the Reston Medical Center – which is just a short walk down the road from where he was – but Scott cited needing to get to work.
Inside, he said, some lady was complaining to the cashier about him, but the cashier said there was nothing he could say.
Personally, I’m surprised that the crabby little Asian cashier wasn’t out there yelling at him.
“You go now! You bother my customers!”
On Thursday I decided to stop at the comic shop on the way home, which meant driving home on Route 7. It was a nightmare that reminded me why I always take the Greenway on Thursday and Friday nights, even though it’s so damned expensive.
Today I did probably even less than I usually do on Sunday. Despite getting nine hours of sleep, I was still tired, so I ended up taking a nap, then I spent the rest of the day watching some DVDs and occasionally tuning in to Stephen King’s The Stand on Sci-Fi Channel. I’ve watched bits and pieces of it over the years, and today I finally caught all of the other bits and pieces, so I’ve pretty much seen it in its entirety now.
Tomorrow I’m getting some easy OT via a one day Microsoft Visio class.
And right now I’m bringing this entry to a close.