A number of years ago I was skimming through the letter page in Maxim, or Stuff, or FHM, or one of the other magazines of their ilk, when I stumbled upon a letter about an interview with Tom Arnold that had run in a previous issue.
The letter writer took the editors to task for a mistake they’d made in the interview when Arnold was quoted as having a period in his life when he spent time “getting drunk on Everclear.”
The letter writer – in an effort to be helpful while simultaneously proving that he’s smarter than some editor – suggested, “I think you mean getting drunk with Everclear, the band.” He then went on to explain that the lead singer of the band would have been of age at the time referred to by Arnold, and speculates that they must have been drinking buddies.
Of course, anyone familiar with the grain alcohol – from which the band likely derives its name, though I can’t say that for sure and don’t care enough to look it up – knows that the writer was an idiot, and the editor responded to the letter by saying, “You’re an idiot,” or words to that effect (since we’re talking about the editor of a magazine like Maxim or whatever it was, I wouldn’t be terribly surprised if he said, “Your an idiot,” or even, “Your a idiot.”).
In any case, in comics fandom – I’m sure this applies to all forms of fandom, it’s just that comics fandom is what I’m most familiar with – you run into this kind of misguided know-it-all-ism all of the time as someone tries to prove just how smart he is and how much he knows but ends up proving just the opposite.
For example, in the comments of a blog I was reading today, someone made a reference to the opera that the Waynes took young Bruce to see on the night they were killed in the movie Batman Begins. Shortly thereafter, another poster commented on how the Waynes took him to a movie, not an opera. A third poster then pointed out that, yes, in the comics, they took him to a movie, but in the movie, as the original poster had explicitly stated, they took him to see an opera.
This sort of thing invariably happens in the comments section of comics-related blogs as fans try to prove just how smart they are and fall flat on their faces, just like the Maxim (or whatever) reader. It happens so often, in fact, that I’ve decided it needs a name, and so I have dubbed it the Everclear Effect.
(By the way, the actual Everclear Effect brought on by drinking Everclear is likely to be unconsciousness.)
The Everclear Effect is related to a similar, pre-Internet phenomenon that I have dubbed No-Prize Nonsense.
Years ago, when comic books had letter pages, Marvel Comics introduced the concept of the No-Prize. The idea was simple, if a bit confusing for some people. If you spotted an apparent mistake in a Marvel comic, you would have to come up with a way of explaining why it actually wasn’t a mistake (thereby getting the writer, artist, or editor off the hook for screwing up), write up your explanation in a letter, mail it in, and, if printed, collect your official “No-Prize.”
Honestly, it was a pretty good gag that let you sort of pluck the noses of comics’ creators in a good-natured way and show off your own creativity and it did a lot to add some fun and interactivity to the comics.
However, every month saw the printing of a letter in which someone merely pointed out a mistake without explaining it away and demanded a No-Prize, thereby showing that they had an incomplete and inaccurate understanding of what it took to earn the “prize” they so desperately desired, making them appear foolish in the eyes of other fans, the very fans they had hoped to impress by earning a No-Prize.
Anyway, what was my point? Oh yeah; people are dumb.
Oh, and you should use the phrase The Everclear Effect whenever applicable so that it makes its way into the vernacular, and make sure that you attribute it to me.
Now go forth and do my bidding!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
How Could It Be Otherwise?
This is how the world works.
I sat home all day waiting for some schmuck from the cable company to come and fix the problem with channel 41, which is displaying information for Dish Network customers ranging from how to read their Dish Network bills to using their Dish Network remotes rather than, as it’s supposed to, displaying The Learning Channel, and to address my concerns/questions/complaints about the speed of my Internet service.
The waiting was interfering with my plans to head to the comic shop to pick up this week’s new comics for Scott and myself.
By a bit after 4 PM, channel 41 was no longer telling me about the great services offered by Dish Network, but was instead showing me designer Laurie Smith flouncing around in all her pregnant look-at-me-I-have-it-all-a-great-career-and-a-family-just-look-at-how-I’m-glowing-and-keeping-my-hand-on-my-belly-to-make-sure-you-notice-that-I’m-pregnant glory.
So one problem was addressed. The other? Well, by 5 I knew that the chances of the schmuck from the cable company actually knocking on my door were slim to none, so I said, “Screw it,” got in the car, and headed over to the comic shop to pick up this week’s new books…only to discover that this week’s new books won’t be in until tomorrow due to the holiday.
*Sigh*
If I weren’t so dead-solid positive that my cable company wouldn’t do anything to shatter its record of shitty service I would bet that the schmuck actually showed up during the time I was gone.
I sat home all day waiting for some schmuck from the cable company to come and fix the problem with channel 41, which is displaying information for Dish Network customers ranging from how to read their Dish Network bills to using their Dish Network remotes rather than, as it’s supposed to, displaying The Learning Channel, and to address my concerns/questions/complaints about the speed of my Internet service.
The waiting was interfering with my plans to head to the comic shop to pick up this week’s new comics for Scott and myself.
By a bit after 4 PM, channel 41 was no longer telling me about the great services offered by Dish Network, but was instead showing me designer Laurie Smith flouncing around in all her pregnant look-at-me-I-have-it-all-a-great-career-and-a-family-just-look-at-how-I’m-glowing-and-keeping-my-hand-on-my-belly-to-make-sure-you-notice-that-I’m-pregnant glory.
So one problem was addressed. The other? Well, by 5 I knew that the chances of the schmuck from the cable company actually knocking on my door were slim to none, so I said, “Screw it,” got in the car, and headed over to the comic shop to pick up this week’s new books…only to discover that this week’s new books won’t be in until tomorrow due to the holiday.
*Sigh*
If I weren’t so dead-solid positive that my cable company wouldn’t do anything to shatter its record of shitty service I would bet that the schmuck actually showed up during the time I was gone.
Random Nonsense
Because I have to wait for the guy from what I laughingly refer to as my cable company to get here, I haven't been able to do much today.
(All I would have been doing is going to the comic book shop and maybe like Super-Target or something, but that's not the point)
So, despite the fact that I don't really have anything to post about, I am trying to avoid working on a picture I started yesterday that I thought would be cool but is turning out to be more of a pain in the ass than I'm willing to deal with, I thought I'd post some of the random stupid crap I've done in recent weeks.
First up is the result of a tutorial that I did at work on Saturday and which I used as an opportunity to do something stupid to make Brian laugh:
Next is a silhouette of Liz Phair that I drew a while ago.
And finally, this thing that I did earlier today:
And there you have it, your recommended daily allowance of random stupid crap.
(All I would have been doing is going to the comic book shop and maybe like Super-Target or something, but that's not the point)
So, despite the fact that I don't really have anything to post about, I am trying to avoid working on a picture I started yesterday that I thought would be cool but is turning out to be more of a pain in the ass than I'm willing to deal with, I thought I'd post some of the random stupid crap I've done in recent weeks.
First up is the result of a tutorial that I did at work on Saturday and which I used as an opportunity to do something stupid to make Brian laugh:
Next is a silhouette of Liz Phair that I drew a while ago.
And finally, this thing that I did earlier today:
And there you have it, your recommended daily allowance of random stupid crap.
Interesting Article
Why Do Some People Resist Science?
This is an interesting article that digs a little deeper than than what would seem to be the easy answers in order to find an answer to the question. It also has some frankly depressing information about the things that people believe (or disbelieve).
This is an interesting article that digs a little deeper than than what would seem to be the easy answers in order to find an answer to the question. It also has some frankly depressing information about the things that people believe (or disbelieve).
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Service With A Scowl
The other day at work I was reading a post on one of the comics blogs I frequent, and in the comments someone mentioned an old Silver Age Superman story in which there is a very disturbing scene featuring Superman tenderly holding Supergirl’s chin and explaining to her that he can’t marry her because she’s his cousin, but that if she weren’t his cousin he would marry her, and he wishes that he could meet someone just like her who isn’t his cousin so that he could marry her.
(Update: see the actual panel here, thanks to Scipio over at The Absorbascon. Note Supergirl’s expression: frightened and kind of skeeved out, yet oddly titillated.)
I’m sure that when it was written it seemed innocent and harmless, but in this much more cynical and jaded time it just seems creepy.
Naturally I shared this with Scott and a discussion ensued in which the seed of an idea for a parody cover was planted in my mind.
Here’s what it grew into:
If I were more skilled as an artist – and a lot less lazy – I might have included a shot of Krypto in the background, covering his head with his paws in shame and embarrassment over what he’d seen going down in the Fortress of Solitude.
On the topic of irritating dogs, I was on my way back from dropping something in the mail when I was stopped by an older woman walking a dog.
Turns out she’s my downstairs neighbor and the owner of stupid new dog. She’s aware that the little piece of shit starts barking as soon as she leaves and wanted to apologize for it.
I did my best to be gracious and downplay just how irritating it is, but while it’s nice that she’s aware and is apologetic, that doesn’t keep me from wishing her dog would spontaneously combust, so the whole exchange was a little awkward.
I did make a comment about how I’m sandwiched in between two barking dogs, and she had the temerity to complain about stupid old dog being worse than hers.
Beyond receiving a pointless apology from the owner of the stupid new dog, I went out this morning and stopped at the barbershop to get a kicky new summer do, then did my grocery shopping. After paying for my groceries I went to the service desk to buy some stamps. The women working there saw that I was coming, so naturally she walked away.
When she came back, she made a show of ignoring me, before finally acknowledging my presence. I asked for the stamps (politely), and then handed her a twenty to pay for them, which she then dramatically held up to the light to examine in order to ensure that it wasn’t counterfeit, grudgingly accepted it, gave me my change, then my receipt, and then, finally, grunted, “Here,” and gave me the stamps. Even though she didn’t say it, I very clearly understood that it was her hope that I choke on the stamps.
Not sure what was up with that. I mean, I hated having to deal in customer service too, but on my worst day I was never anywhere near that rude to anyone, and it’s not like I was unpleasant or demanding.
Oh well.
Lousy customer service continued once I got home, though. A while back, my already slow Internet connection became 75% slower. I’d hoped it was a temporary glitch, but it hasn’t gotten better. Today, as the channel that’s supposed to be TLC suddenly became the Dish Network information channel, I decided to call in to complain. They said they’d send a technician out for the TLC problem, then transferred me to technical support for the Internet issue, where I was informed that my account is and always has been set at 256 Kbps, despite the fact that for over a year I was getting 1 Mbps. The technical support guy wouldn’t come out and say it, but the implication in his tone was that I’m an idiot who doesn’t know what he’s talking about and that I was only imagining that I ever got faster speeds than I’m getting now and that it’s perfectly reasonable to pay $33 a month for 256 Kbps when I could get 768 Kbps DSL from Verizon for $14.95. He said that I needed to talk to someone else to get my account changed to get faster speeds.
So I talked to someone else who explained that the speeds offered have always been – get this – 256 Kbps down and 1 Mbps up.
Excuse me? I explained to her that such a set up makes no sense whatsoever and that she must have it backwards because no company in anything approximating its right mind would offer that kind of speed set up because what people care about is fast downloads, not fast uploads.
(I didn’t bother pointing out that, for the record, I’m not getting anywhere near 1 Mbps up either, so I’m getting hosed anyway, even if that is how it’s set up, nor did I point out that everyone else I spoke to, the moment I complained about my speeds, jumped in and said, “We only offer 1 Mbps down.”)
She said that she saw that I was already set to have a technician come out tomorrow and that she would add the fact that I had complaints about my connection speeds to the dispatch notes.
Hopefully the technician won’t be a complete idiot and won’t think that I’m an idiot who wouldn’t be able to notice the difference when my connection speed drops by 75% and am not someone inclined to hallucinate and who therefore imagined that I was ever getting faster connection speeds than I am now.
In any case, that was today’s excitement, and now I need to stop trying to do anything online so that I can finish downloading a large file with my blazingly fast connection.
(Update: see the actual panel here, thanks to Scipio over at The Absorbascon. Note Supergirl’s expression: frightened and kind of skeeved out, yet oddly titillated.)
I’m sure that when it was written it seemed innocent and harmless, but in this much more cynical and jaded time it just seems creepy.
Naturally I shared this with Scott and a discussion ensued in which the seed of an idea for a parody cover was planted in my mind.
Here’s what it grew into:
If I were more skilled as an artist – and a lot less lazy – I might have included a shot of Krypto in the background, covering his head with his paws in shame and embarrassment over what he’d seen going down in the Fortress of Solitude.
On the topic of irritating dogs, I was on my way back from dropping something in the mail when I was stopped by an older woman walking a dog.
Turns out she’s my downstairs neighbor and the owner of stupid new dog. She’s aware that the little piece of shit starts barking as soon as she leaves and wanted to apologize for it.
I did my best to be gracious and downplay just how irritating it is, but while it’s nice that she’s aware and is apologetic, that doesn’t keep me from wishing her dog would spontaneously combust, so the whole exchange was a little awkward.
I did make a comment about how I’m sandwiched in between two barking dogs, and she had the temerity to complain about stupid old dog being worse than hers.
Beyond receiving a pointless apology from the owner of the stupid new dog, I went out this morning and stopped at the barbershop to get a kicky new summer do, then did my grocery shopping. After paying for my groceries I went to the service desk to buy some stamps. The women working there saw that I was coming, so naturally she walked away.
When she came back, she made a show of ignoring me, before finally acknowledging my presence. I asked for the stamps (politely), and then handed her a twenty to pay for them, which she then dramatically held up to the light to examine in order to ensure that it wasn’t counterfeit, grudgingly accepted it, gave me my change, then my receipt, and then, finally, grunted, “Here,” and gave me the stamps. Even though she didn’t say it, I very clearly understood that it was her hope that I choke on the stamps.
Not sure what was up with that. I mean, I hated having to deal in customer service too, but on my worst day I was never anywhere near that rude to anyone, and it’s not like I was unpleasant or demanding.
Oh well.
Lousy customer service continued once I got home, though. A while back, my already slow Internet connection became 75% slower. I’d hoped it was a temporary glitch, but it hasn’t gotten better. Today, as the channel that’s supposed to be TLC suddenly became the Dish Network information channel, I decided to call in to complain. They said they’d send a technician out for the TLC problem, then transferred me to technical support for the Internet issue, where I was informed that my account is and always has been set at 256 Kbps, despite the fact that for over a year I was getting 1 Mbps. The technical support guy wouldn’t come out and say it, but the implication in his tone was that I’m an idiot who doesn’t know what he’s talking about and that I was only imagining that I ever got faster speeds than I’m getting now and that it’s perfectly reasonable to pay $33 a month for 256 Kbps when I could get 768 Kbps DSL from Verizon for $14.95. He said that I needed to talk to someone else to get my account changed to get faster speeds.
So I talked to someone else who explained that the speeds offered have always been – get this – 256 Kbps down and 1 Mbps up.
Excuse me? I explained to her that such a set up makes no sense whatsoever and that she must have it backwards because no company in anything approximating its right mind would offer that kind of speed set up because what people care about is fast downloads, not fast uploads.
(I didn’t bother pointing out that, for the record, I’m not getting anywhere near 1 Mbps up either, so I’m getting hosed anyway, even if that is how it’s set up, nor did I point out that everyone else I spoke to, the moment I complained about my speeds, jumped in and said, “We only offer 1 Mbps down.”)
She said that she saw that I was already set to have a technician come out tomorrow and that she would add the fact that I had complaints about my connection speeds to the dispatch notes.
Hopefully the technician won’t be a complete idiot and won’t think that I’m an idiot who wouldn’t be able to notice the difference when my connection speed drops by 75% and am not someone inclined to hallucinate and who therefore imagined that I was ever getting faster connection speeds than I am now.
In any case, that was today’s excitement, and now I need to stop trying to do anything online so that I can finish downloading a large file with my blazingly fast connection.
Come Back!
Usually people come here seeking things that I can't - or, let's be honest, in many cases won't - provide them with.
So it's rare that someone comes here looking for something that I can provide, and when I can, I like to oblige.
Such is the case of the person who came here earlier on the search string "dark phoenix saga sienkiewicz painting."
I believe you were looking for this, and I hope you come back and see that it's here:
Sorry that the image is a little rough (I did scan it in at a high resolution, if that's any consolation), but the source images is pretty old, and I wasn't too inclined to work on cleaning it up after scanning because I wanted to post it quickly.
I got the trade paperback that this image is the cover for in the autumn of 1985. It had the worst binding that I've ever encountered. The pages began falling out while I was reading it for the very first time.
Since that time, it has totally fallen apart, but I've held on to it because...well, for a lot of reasons.
As much as I rag on Chris Claremont for his idiosnycratic and often hacky writing, when he's on, he's on, and in the Dark Phoenxi Saga he was on.
His best work, by far.
Add to that the beautiful pencils of John Byrne at the top of his game (working with the perfect John Byrne inker Terry Austin), and you have something worth holding onto even after it all falls apart.
(Oh, and the Bill Sienkiwicz cover is nothing to sneeze at either)
Anyway, mysterious seeker of dark phoenix saga sienkiewicz painting, I hope you'll come back if you haven't found what you were looking for elsewhere.
So it's rare that someone comes here looking for something that I can provide, and when I can, I like to oblige.
Such is the case of the person who came here earlier on the search string "dark phoenix saga sienkiewicz painting."
I believe you were looking for this, and I hope you come back and see that it's here:
Sorry that the image is a little rough (I did scan it in at a high resolution, if that's any consolation), but the source images is pretty old, and I wasn't too inclined to work on cleaning it up after scanning because I wanted to post it quickly.
I got the trade paperback that this image is the cover for in the autumn of 1985. It had the worst binding that I've ever encountered. The pages began falling out while I was reading it for the very first time.
Since that time, it has totally fallen apart, but I've held on to it because...well, for a lot of reasons.
As much as I rag on Chris Claremont for his idiosnycratic and often hacky writing, when he's on, he's on, and in the Dark Phoenxi Saga he was on.
His best work, by far.
Add to that the beautiful pencils of John Byrne at the top of his game (working with the perfect John Byrne inker Terry Austin), and you have something worth holding onto even after it all falls apart.
(Oh, and the Bill Sienkiwicz cover is nothing to sneeze at either)
Anyway, mysterious seeker of dark phoenix saga sienkiewicz painting, I hope you'll come back if you haven't found what you were looking for elsewhere.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Man Forfeits To Wild
Every so often I tune in to Man Vs. Wild on the Discovery Channel.
If you’re not familiar with the concept of the show, it’s essentially a guide to survival in the event you should find yourself lost in a hostile environment.
Toward that end, a man with the unlikely-sounding name of Bear Grylls, who served with the British Special Forces, is deposited in the middle of nowhere, usually with only a knife and a water bottle, and sometimes only a water bottle, and then has to find his way back to civilization.
Admittedly, he does have a camera crew following him, but they are expressly forbidden to do anything other than simply document his efforts (except in the case of an absolute life or death emergency). How well they adhere to that is anyone’s guess. I’m inclined to believe that they don’t help him – if only to make the show more entertaining – but feel free to be as suspicious as you like.
Ultimately, it doesn’t really matter, as the point of the show is to provide you with information that could help you in the event you’re lost in the jungle without the benefit of a camera crew, and as long as the information he’s providing is useful and accurate, it makes no difference to me if he’s hanging out with the crew eating caviar and drinking champagne when the cameras are off.
In any case, I watched multiple episodes last night, with Bear making his way out of a rainforest, down from the Rocky Mountains, across the African Savannah, and down from the Sierra Nevada mountains.
In watching the efforts he made to survive, I came to realize something about myself. If I were to find myself in similar circumstances, I’d rather die.
Seriously, if surviving means biting the heads off of snakes and then eating their still writhing bodies, eating hunks of raw meat cut off the carcass of a recently-killed and fed upon Zebra, or sucking the moisture out of elephant dung, that’s going to be a big “Thanks, but no thanks” to what the natural world is offering me in the way of assistance.
Okay, sure, that makes me a quitter, and I mean no disrespect to all of those hardy souls out there who have gone to great lengths and terrible depths to survive and whose amazing stories inspire us all, but seriously, drinking the moisture from a pile of elephant shit? Dying has to be preferable.
I mean, in a circumstance in which that is your only recourse, you should devote your energy to finding a quick and painless way to kill yourself.
Of course, in my opinion, the best course of action is to avoid any activity that could lead you to be stranded and relying on sucking moisture out of elephant shit in the first place.
I should get my own survival tips show on the Discovery Channel.
I could call it Jon’s Stay at Home Guide To Survival.
Just a thought.
Speaking of things I could do for the Discovery Channel, the other night there was an episode of Mythbusters on. It was one of the episodes in which they were dealing with various myths related to vodka.
This particular myth suggest that if you run bottom-shelf, rotgut vodka through a water filtration system six times, it will become indistinguishable from top-shelf vodka.
They proved this untrue, but I could suggest another method by which this transformation can occur: become a desperate alcoholic.
The advantage is that this method works for all other alcoholic beverages in addition to vodka.
Because today is a holiday I’m not going anywhere, so I’ve basically had two Sundays in a row, filled with little to no activity (though I did shower and shave today).
Yesterday I watched a few episodes of Justice League and Monty Pyhon’s The Meaning of Life.
I may watch some more Justice League or Justice League Unlimited episodes today, but I can’t even guarantee that I’ll do that much.
If you’re not familiar with the concept of the show, it’s essentially a guide to survival in the event you should find yourself lost in a hostile environment.
Toward that end, a man with the unlikely-sounding name of Bear Grylls, who served with the British Special Forces, is deposited in the middle of nowhere, usually with only a knife and a water bottle, and sometimes only a water bottle, and then has to find his way back to civilization.
Admittedly, he does have a camera crew following him, but they are expressly forbidden to do anything other than simply document his efforts (except in the case of an absolute life or death emergency). How well they adhere to that is anyone’s guess. I’m inclined to believe that they don’t help him – if only to make the show more entertaining – but feel free to be as suspicious as you like.
Ultimately, it doesn’t really matter, as the point of the show is to provide you with information that could help you in the event you’re lost in the jungle without the benefit of a camera crew, and as long as the information he’s providing is useful and accurate, it makes no difference to me if he’s hanging out with the crew eating caviar and drinking champagne when the cameras are off.
In any case, I watched multiple episodes last night, with Bear making his way out of a rainforest, down from the Rocky Mountains, across the African Savannah, and down from the Sierra Nevada mountains.
In watching the efforts he made to survive, I came to realize something about myself. If I were to find myself in similar circumstances, I’d rather die.
Seriously, if surviving means biting the heads off of snakes and then eating their still writhing bodies, eating hunks of raw meat cut off the carcass of a recently-killed and fed upon Zebra, or sucking the moisture out of elephant dung, that’s going to be a big “Thanks, but no thanks” to what the natural world is offering me in the way of assistance.
Okay, sure, that makes me a quitter, and I mean no disrespect to all of those hardy souls out there who have gone to great lengths and terrible depths to survive and whose amazing stories inspire us all, but seriously, drinking the moisture from a pile of elephant shit? Dying has to be preferable.
I mean, in a circumstance in which that is your only recourse, you should devote your energy to finding a quick and painless way to kill yourself.
Of course, in my opinion, the best course of action is to avoid any activity that could lead you to be stranded and relying on sucking moisture out of elephant shit in the first place.
I should get my own survival tips show on the Discovery Channel.
I could call it Jon’s Stay at Home Guide To Survival.
Just a thought.
Speaking of things I could do for the Discovery Channel, the other night there was an episode of Mythbusters on. It was one of the episodes in which they were dealing with various myths related to vodka.
This particular myth suggest that if you run bottom-shelf, rotgut vodka through a water filtration system six times, it will become indistinguishable from top-shelf vodka.
They proved this untrue, but I could suggest another method by which this transformation can occur: become a desperate alcoholic.
The advantage is that this method works for all other alcoholic beverages in addition to vodka.
Because today is a holiday I’m not going anywhere, so I’ve basically had two Sundays in a row, filled with little to no activity (though I did shower and shave today).
Yesterday I watched a few episodes of Justice League and Monty Pyhon’s The Meaning of Life.
I may watch some more Justice League or Justice League Unlimited episodes today, but I can’t even guarantee that I’ll do that much.
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