Tuesday, September 26, 2006

It Sounds Vaguely Akin To The Primate Section At A Zoo

For the past couple weeks I’ve been finding that the thought that I should give the condo a really thorough cleaning, going so far as to reorganize the kitchen cabinets and straighten out my closet and an my storage area, and untangling the tangled mess of wires behind the computer desk and just generally give the whole thing the white glove treatment.
Immediately upon having this thought occur to me, though, it occurs to me that I really don’t want to do any of that.
Still, with all of the time I have off the odds of that happening have improved considerably, so we’ll see how it goes.
I woke up this morning convinced that it must be fairly late in the morning or possibly even early in the afternoon, but turned to the clock to discover that it wasn’t even 8:30.
I had woken up sometime in the early morning to discover that it had gotten extremely cold out and so, after stumbling to and from the bathroom, I closed the window and went back to sleep attempting to recapture whatever it was I had been dreaming about before waking up, though I was never successful. The dreams had something to do with something or other. I’m sure of that much.
In any case, having woken up at that time of day and hearing the rush of traffic going by on 15, as it was around the time that traffic starts to flow, left me disoriented and was the reason that I thought it was so much later than it actually was when I woke up for the day.
Once I got up I sat around doing my standard not much of anything for a while before showering and heading out into the world, with “the world” being Super Target.
One thing I’ve noticed about Super Target is that no matter where you go in the store, in addition to finding that the single most difficult thing in the world for Super Target customers to do is to not be in my goddamn way, is that the sounds of children are inescapable.
This isn’t entirely a complaint; just an observation.
Acoustics account for part of this – the layout of the store just causes sounds to carry – but the main reason is that when I’m there I’m pretty much the only customer who doesn’t have at least one kid with him and as a result the place is pretty much filled to overflowing with infants, toddlers, and pre-schoolers, which creates a cacophony of sounds ranging from idle gurgling to full-on high-pitched shrieks, with the occasional animalistic growling thrown in for good measure.
Given that the place is, therefore, equally filled to overflowing with stretch marks, varicose veins, and “that last five pounds of pregnancy fat,” it’s kind of unusual for the visuals to be any more appealing than the audio portion.
Which is why it was so surprising that I saw not one but two extremely well-shaped backsides during my brief visit.
The first was sighted immediately upon entering the store as I made my way towards the restroom. Not even grungy, loose-fitting, I’m-retaining-water-and-just-don’t-care-how-I-look sweat pants could rein in its bodaciousness. It was like she had a shelf sticking out from the back of her legs to support it: that ass defied gravity.
The second was spotted as I made my way to a register. This was a mom who managed to move “that last five pounds” around to the back and put it to good use.
Since I was going to have to wait in line anyway, I decided I’d get in line behind her to check out so that I could check out her behind, but fate was not on my side, as the cashier turned off her light before I got there and I was forced to move off to a different line where I desperately looked at anything other than the behind of the woman in front of me.
Anyway, moving on from the booty talk, I ended up spending more money than I expected to while I was at Super Target, though I didn’t even manage to buy anything cool.
The major expense was buying ink for my printer. I only needed black ink, but they had a two-pack of black and color ink for my printer that was enough of a bargain that I couldn’t pass it up.
I also picked up this 6-in-1 USB cable kit that has attachments for the various permutations of USB connections that I thought would be useful to have.
From there I came home, ate lunch, and had that cleaning thought occur to me, followed by having the attendant “I don’t wanna” thought occurring to me, at which point I sat down and wrote this riveting account of my day.
And there you have it.
I may be back later, but if I’m not I can assure you that you won’t be likely to be missing much.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Jesus Christo Mang, you need to get laid.