One thing I was conscious of in the movie last night was how pretty much everything human beings do seems to be the “path to the Dark Side.”
I don’t know if that has some sort of allegorical significance, but I just thought it was kind of amusing during a scene in which Yoda was telling Anakin about all the things that lead to the Dark Side.
Sure, there are the basics: fear, anger, hate. But there were other things, too. Like love, concern, pride, the desire for revenge, too much concern about others…all kinds of stuff.
I think it would have been easier for Yoda to list the things that don’t lead to the Dark Side. If there is anything.
After all, as I said, it seems like pretty much everything leads there.
Curiosity about what leads to the Dark Side? Yep, path to the Dark Side.
Trying to avoid going over to the Dark Side? Oh, that’s totally the path to the Dark Side.
Taking a left, heading two blocks, then taking another left, then a right at the next stop light and then driving a couple of miles, and if you get to the airport you’ve gone too far? Oh yeah, you’re on the path to the Dark Side.
And of course making jokes about what leads to the Dark Side…well, you get the idea.
Most of the trailers weren’t that interesting. I yawned my way through a new “Fantastic Four” trailer. The “Batman Begins” trailer was pretty much more of the same footage we’ve already seen many times, though it was met with a great deal of enthusiasm by everyone else there.
While that trailer wasn’t very compelling, I will say that the extended preview that was on during the “Smallville” season finale did manage to raise my level of interest in “Batman Begins” a bit, so now I probably will actually go see it when it comes out.
The trailer for the Disney adaptation of “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe” was the most interesting trailer I saw there, but I’m not sure I’ll bother going to see it or not.
Next week I’ll be heading home to Michigan for a week.
During that time I will most likely be neglecting Threshold (I have no interest in trying to post via dial-up), but when I return I’m sure I’ll have all sorts of stories to tell and pictures to share.
In any case, I will still be here Monday, so until then…
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Adorably Sexy
I'm of the opinion that if there's one person who straddles the line between adorable and sexy, it's "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" alum Alyson Hannigan.
Mmmm....being straddled by Alyson Hannigan...ummm, sorry, got distracted there for a second.
In any case, I love Alyson Hannigan. She has this geeky cute/sexy thing going on that just makes her so adorable, and leaves me convinced that her husband is far, far luckier than any man named "Alexis" deserves to be.
In any case, as you can see below, my latest celebrity portrait is of the "American Pie" band camp geek herself.
I think it turned out very well. I'm especially proud of the way I integrated my signature into the image. Several times, in fact.
It's difficult to see in this copy, but the lacy pattern on her underwear is actually made up of my signature.
Mmmm....being straddled by Alyson Hannigan...ummm, sorry, got distracted there for a second.
In any case, I love Alyson Hannigan. She has this geeky cute/sexy thing going on that just makes her so adorable, and leaves me convinced that her husband is far, far luckier than any man named "Alexis" deserves to be.
In any case, as you can see below, my latest celebrity portrait is of the "American Pie" band camp geek herself.
I think it turned out very well. I'm especially proud of the way I integrated my signature into the image. Several times, in fact.
It's difficult to see in this copy, but the lacy pattern on her underwear is actually made up of my signature.
Now We Have To Wait For The Sequels To Find Out What Happens With Darth Vader's Kids
As should be apparent from the pictures in my earlier entry if nothing else, last night found me at a midnight showing of “Revenge of the Sith,” and, as mentioned, I enjoyed the movie.
I will avoid giving out any spoilers, though, really, most of you, if you’ve seen Episodes IV – VI, already know how it ends.
It was pretty crazy how many people were there. The midnight, or rather, 12:01, showing was playing in 10 theaters, and it seemed as though most of them were reasonably full. In fact, in our theater, we were forced to sit all the way in the back in the nosebleed section.
Overall, it wasn’t a bad vantage point, what with the 62’ wide screen, though being more toward the center would have been better.
Still, it beat sitting down in the front and having to crane our necks upward. I had to suffer through the first “Spider-Man” in that sort of seating arrangement and hope to never repeat the experience, as it greatly hampered my ability to enjoy the movie (which is why it’s a good thing that “Spider-Man” kicked so much ass and was thereby largely able to make up for the shitty seating).
There were six of us in the group attending the screening, and when we first arrived, thanks to purchasing tickets at different times, we were split up between three theaters.
We were able to swap with someone and get four of us into one theater, but the other two were stuck off on their own, which wasn’t a big deal, really, as they’re husband and wife.
The theater was about 18 miles from home, in a place that I’ve only been to once or twice, and to which I haven’t driven in over two years, so I wasn’t that thrilled about making the trek there at night.
I made a couple of wrong turns once I was near the theater, but ultimately I found myself in what was obviously the parking lot for the whole plaza in which the theater was located, and the sight of various glowing light sabers made it clear that it must be the place.
While I was standing around waiting for the others to arrive there was a car that paused briefly on the road in front of the theater during a vain attempt at finding a nearby parking space. The car, a Mustang, struck me as the type of car that a “jock” would be driving, so it occurred to me as I looked at the costumed, bespectacled, Twinkie-filled masses about me, that it would be funny if Ogre were to pop out of the car and scream “Nerds!” before peeling out.
After all, Ogre or not, you wouldn’t want to hang around after taunting that large a group of nerds, particularly when they’re as pumped full of nerdosterone (defined here) as they would be at the premiere of a “Star Wars” movie.
I make fun of nerds a lot, but I do fully realize that I’m one myself. I’m just more the Ted-Kaczynski-holed-up-in-his-shack-writing-manifestos style of nerd than the dress-up-in-a-costume-and-act-out-scenes-at-movies style of nerd, so I tend to find the latter kind of amusing.
Actually, I’m not really that much like the Unabomber, but at the very least I’m not a sociable, extroverted nerd who, through nerdly capering for the amused masses, hopes to gain acceptance from the non-nerd population.
My approach has always been to try to avoid drawing attention to myself, since I learned a long time ago that, for nerds, being noticed is seldom a positive thing.
Beyond that, though, I just don’t care enough to bother being demonstrably nerdy. I just don’t take anything that seriously.
Still, despite all my not-so-mean-spirited, self-hating nerd jabs, and also despite the fact that I don’t like to imbue anything with too much significance, I think one of the real strengths of the “Star Wars” saga is that it’s something of a social leveler.
After all, you don’t have to be a total nerd for it to be okay to like at least some aspect of the movies.
Honestly, I don’t really know many males, of my generation at least, who aren’t into “Star Wars” at least a little. Even if they aren’t now, most likely at some point in their lives they were.
Well, Brian might be an exception. I don’t say that with certainty, but somehow I just can’t picture him being into “Star Wars.”
Hello Kitty is more his bag.
Just kidding! Brian is a manly man firefighter and a super-pimp, and would not be interested in the adventures of a little cartoon kitty (He totally is into Hello Kitty).
Seriously, though, I think he might be the one guy who’s just “too cool” to be down with the Force.
I could be wrong, though.
Of course, there’s also the question of females. I’m sure there are lots of chicks, geek or otherwise, who are into the “Star Wars” thing, but I’ve only ever known one who was into it with any sort of rabid intensity (my boss back in Minnesota). In any case, I can really speak only from the male perspective.
Anyway, so how was the movie?
Like I said, I enjoyed it. It did a much better job of bridging the gap between the last one and Episode IV than I would have expected. There are still some niggling issues, such as the retroactive inclusion of freakin’ jets on R2D2 that bug me, but overall I am appeased.
I still think that, in general, the prequel approach is the wrong one for telling any sort of complicated story.
However, that being said, I doubt that Lucas would be as rich a man as he is today if his first “Star Wars” movie had been “The Phantom Menace.” I don’t think that any of the first three episodes would have captured audiences’ imaginations the way IV – VI did, and the saga would have been stillborn.
So from that perspective, which comes with the benefit of hindsight, I think it was a smart move, though I’m still a proponent of a more linear style of storytelling.
Anyway, back to the movie. Good action, great effects, fewer scenes of filibustering and political procedure in the senate (which is all part of the odd, but apparently unintentional, congruence with the current political landscape in this country), less whining from Anakin, the destruction of the Jedi, the birth of the Empire, and the return (or, rather, first appearance) of that 7’ tall jet-black walking dildo of evil himself, good old Darth Vader.
All in all it was a very solid entry, and well-worth the wait.
My one complaint? No extended scenes of Jar Jar being tortured to death (“Meesa’s entrails are leakin’ out! The acid being poured on meesa’s testicles is muy, muy painful!”), but hey, you can’t have everything.
Then again, there’s always a good chance that Lucas will release some “special edition” of the movie, so who knows?
Of course, given how much he loves the annoying bastard, maybe Jar Jar will pop up as the star of the new TV series...
In any case, that will about do it for this entry, but I wanted to mention one last, shameful thing.
While we were waiting for the movie to start someone in the crowd made a reference to something “getting bigger.” I sat there oblivious until I was pulled from my reverie by the sound of someone, who wasn’t me, saying, “That’s what she said.”
I was so disappointed in myself. For once, the Force was not strong in this one…
I will avoid giving out any spoilers, though, really, most of you, if you’ve seen Episodes IV – VI, already know how it ends.
It was pretty crazy how many people were there. The midnight, or rather, 12:01, showing was playing in 10 theaters, and it seemed as though most of them were reasonably full. In fact, in our theater, we were forced to sit all the way in the back in the nosebleed section.
Overall, it wasn’t a bad vantage point, what with the 62’ wide screen, though being more toward the center would have been better.
Still, it beat sitting down in the front and having to crane our necks upward. I had to suffer through the first “Spider-Man” in that sort of seating arrangement and hope to never repeat the experience, as it greatly hampered my ability to enjoy the movie (which is why it’s a good thing that “Spider-Man” kicked so much ass and was thereby largely able to make up for the shitty seating).
There were six of us in the group attending the screening, and when we first arrived, thanks to purchasing tickets at different times, we were split up between three theaters.
We were able to swap with someone and get four of us into one theater, but the other two were stuck off on their own, which wasn’t a big deal, really, as they’re husband and wife.
The theater was about 18 miles from home, in a place that I’ve only been to once or twice, and to which I haven’t driven in over two years, so I wasn’t that thrilled about making the trek there at night.
I made a couple of wrong turns once I was near the theater, but ultimately I found myself in what was obviously the parking lot for the whole plaza in which the theater was located, and the sight of various glowing light sabers made it clear that it must be the place.
While I was standing around waiting for the others to arrive there was a car that paused briefly on the road in front of the theater during a vain attempt at finding a nearby parking space. The car, a Mustang, struck me as the type of car that a “jock” would be driving, so it occurred to me as I looked at the costumed, bespectacled, Twinkie-filled masses about me, that it would be funny if Ogre were to pop out of the car and scream “Nerds!” before peeling out.
After all, Ogre or not, you wouldn’t want to hang around after taunting that large a group of nerds, particularly when they’re as pumped full of nerdosterone (defined here) as they would be at the premiere of a “Star Wars” movie.
I make fun of nerds a lot, but I do fully realize that I’m one myself. I’m just more the Ted-Kaczynski-holed-up-in-his-shack-writing-manifestos style of nerd than the dress-up-in-a-costume-and-act-out-scenes-at-movies style of nerd, so I tend to find the latter kind of amusing.
Actually, I’m not really that much like the Unabomber, but at the very least I’m not a sociable, extroverted nerd who, through nerdly capering for the amused masses, hopes to gain acceptance from the non-nerd population.
My approach has always been to try to avoid drawing attention to myself, since I learned a long time ago that, for nerds, being noticed is seldom a positive thing.
Beyond that, though, I just don’t care enough to bother being demonstrably nerdy. I just don’t take anything that seriously.
Still, despite all my not-so-mean-spirited, self-hating nerd jabs, and also despite the fact that I don’t like to imbue anything with too much significance, I think one of the real strengths of the “Star Wars” saga is that it’s something of a social leveler.
After all, you don’t have to be a total nerd for it to be okay to like at least some aspect of the movies.
Honestly, I don’t really know many males, of my generation at least, who aren’t into “Star Wars” at least a little. Even if they aren’t now, most likely at some point in their lives they were.
Well, Brian might be an exception. I don’t say that with certainty, but somehow I just can’t picture him being into “Star Wars.”
Hello Kitty is more his bag.
Just kidding! Brian is a manly man firefighter and a super-pimp, and would not be interested in the adventures of a little cartoon kitty (He totally is into Hello Kitty).
Seriously, though, I think he might be the one guy who’s just “too cool” to be down with the Force.
I could be wrong, though.
Of course, there’s also the question of females. I’m sure there are lots of chicks, geek or otherwise, who are into the “Star Wars” thing, but I’ve only ever known one who was into it with any sort of rabid intensity (my boss back in Minnesota). In any case, I can really speak only from the male perspective.
Anyway, so how was the movie?
Like I said, I enjoyed it. It did a much better job of bridging the gap between the last one and Episode IV than I would have expected. There are still some niggling issues, such as the retroactive inclusion of freakin’ jets on R2D2 that bug me, but overall I am appeased.
I still think that, in general, the prequel approach is the wrong one for telling any sort of complicated story.
However, that being said, I doubt that Lucas would be as rich a man as he is today if his first “Star Wars” movie had been “The Phantom Menace.” I don’t think that any of the first three episodes would have captured audiences’ imaginations the way IV – VI did, and the saga would have been stillborn.
So from that perspective, which comes with the benefit of hindsight, I think it was a smart move, though I’m still a proponent of a more linear style of storytelling.
Anyway, back to the movie. Good action, great effects, fewer scenes of filibustering and political procedure in the senate (which is all part of the odd, but apparently unintentional, congruence with the current political landscape in this country), less whining from Anakin, the destruction of the Jedi, the birth of the Empire, and the return (or, rather, first appearance) of that 7’ tall jet-black walking dildo of evil himself, good old Darth Vader.
All in all it was a very solid entry, and well-worth the wait.
My one complaint? No extended scenes of Jar Jar being tortured to death (“Meesa’s entrails are leakin’ out! The acid being poured on meesa’s testicles is muy, muy painful!”), but hey, you can’t have everything.
Then again, there’s always a good chance that Lucas will release some “special edition” of the movie, so who knows?
Of course, given how much he loves the annoying bastard, maybe Jar Jar will pop up as the star of the new TV series...
In any case, that will about do it for this entry, but I wanted to mention one last, shameful thing.
While we were waiting for the movie to start someone in the crowd made a reference to something “getting bigger.” I sat there oblivious until I was pulled from my reverie by the sound of someone, who wasn’t me, saying, “That’s what she said.”
I was so disappointed in myself. For once, the Force was not strong in this one…
"If You Only Knew The Power Of The Dork Side"
So it's extremely late/early, and I find myself unable to sleep.
Is it because I'm flush with excitement from having just recently returned from seeing "Revenge of the Sith" that I'm so restless?
Probably not, but I will say that it was very good.
Much better than the last two, and it did manage to tie things up pretty neatly.
I'll have more to say about it tomorrow...or rather, later today, but for now I figured I'd share some of the pictures I took.
I didn't get very many, and some of them didn't turn out at all.
Not quite so many people were dressed up as I expected, and very few people went all out.
There were a couple of Darth Vaders, but mostly people went the easy route and dressed up as Jedis.
Overall I was disappointed by the lack of imagination and effort. One guy dressed as Luke on Tatooine via the simple expediency of wearing a short, white bathrobe.
I was pretty slow to whip out the camera, so I missed out on some light saber battles.
Anyway, here are the pics that turned out:
Along with all the Jedis there were quite a few Leias. As I was walking to the theater I was behind these three. I brieflly considered stepping on their flowing robes and making them trip, but ultimately chose not to give in to the allure of the Dark Side.
This was kind of an odd one. At first we thought he was a Tie Fighter pilot, but then we realized that he was just wearing standard Stormtrooper armor painted black. Of course the guy in the T-shirt is a total Sith Lord, obviously. Great costume!
"A dork I am."
Anyway, as I said, I'll have more to say about the whole thing later on.
Is it because I'm flush with excitement from having just recently returned from seeing "Revenge of the Sith" that I'm so restless?
Probably not, but I will say that it was very good.
Much better than the last two, and it did manage to tie things up pretty neatly.
I'll have more to say about it tomorrow...or rather, later today, but for now I figured I'd share some of the pictures I took.
I didn't get very many, and some of them didn't turn out at all.
Not quite so many people were dressed up as I expected, and very few people went all out.
There were a couple of Darth Vaders, but mostly people went the easy route and dressed up as Jedis.
Overall I was disappointed by the lack of imagination and effort. One guy dressed as Luke on Tatooine via the simple expediency of wearing a short, white bathrobe.
I was pretty slow to whip out the camera, so I missed out on some light saber battles.
Anyway, here are the pics that turned out:
Along with all the Jedis there were quite a few Leias. As I was walking to the theater I was behind these three. I brieflly considered stepping on their flowing robes and making them trip, but ultimately chose not to give in to the allure of the Dark Side.
This was kind of an odd one. At first we thought he was a Tie Fighter pilot, but then we realized that he was just wearing standard Stormtrooper armor painted black. Of course the guy in the T-shirt is a total Sith Lord, obviously. Great costume!
"A dork I am."
Anyway, as I said, I'll have more to say about the whole thing later on.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Not Exactly "Aromatherapy," Siesta Time, Still Nail-able, And Freaks-I Mean, Fans...
There is a very large system of trails threaded throughout the neighborhoods of Ashburn, and there are various rest stops, playgrounds, and places of interest interspersed along the assorted paths I walk, most of which have names like “Turtle Glen,” or “Oaktree Grove.”
In my head, though, I’ve named pretty much the entire system of trails “Dogshit Alley.”
Much of the foot traffic that the trails see is of the four-footed variety, and despite the presence of some shade trees intended to create the illusion of walking through the wilderness, most of the trails cut through back yards, back yards belonging to a considerable number of dog owners.
I don’t mean to suggest that walking the trails is akin to walking a minefield, as most of the people who take their best friends out for walks are considerate enough to clean up after them, so it is safe to walk with impunity, but the scent does hang rather heavily in the air, so it can be something of an olfactory minefield. This is in large part because people do (or maybe I should say “do do”) pick up after their dogs, depositing the canine care packages in the numerous receptacles set alongside the trails primarily for that purpose.
Said receptacles get a lot of use and a lot of exposure to the rays of the sun, which helps their contents to ripen.
While this may result in a sort of over stimulating bliss brought on by scents both familiar (“Hey! I know that ass!”) and unfamiliar (“Whoa, check out that one! That’s an ass I can’t wait to sniff in person!”) for dogs, who tend not to care so much about whether or not things smell good as long as they smell a lot, for humans, it doesn’t bring on a feeling of ecstasy so much as a feeling of nausea.
Of course, like anything, over time you become desensitized to it.
I’m hoping that happens soon.
Sorry to get off to such a gross start today, but during the walk today it was especially overpowering.
Not much is actually new or interesting so far. Going for a walk has pretty much been the only thing I’ve done for the day.
One thing I have come to notice in all the time spent walking, both this year, and in previous years, is that Ashburn sinks a serious a mount of money into lawn care and landscaping, so when I walk the trails I’m usually trying to make my way around people who are busy mowing or weed-whacking (I said “whacking”), or engaged in some other cultivation of the greenery (having to avoid the water truck that drives along shooting out jets of water is especially irritating). Today, though, my timing was such that I was avoiding stepping on the landscaping guys as they took in a siesta in the shade.
It was kind of funny seeing all of these Hispanic guys who had just dropped down wherever they happened to be, hats pulled down over their faces as they dozed, and I couldn’t help but think that Scott should institute a siesta time for us at work. After all, in that dark, windowless dungeon it’s not as though we’d have to go out in search of shade, and I can just picture us all leaned back in our chairs, feet up on the desk, mouths hanging open, taking a little time out to rejuvenate ourselves in preparation for what remains of our day…
Of course, I can also picture a VP walking through and seeing this, followed by security escorting us all out of the building…
On Monday night I set the DVR to record “Hercules” on NBC, and last night I watched it.
…
About all that I took away from watching it was the reinforcement of the fact that Leelee Sobieski is sort of weird-looking but given the opportunity I would still totally nail her.
In any case, the movie had begun its life as a mini-series, but NBC pared an hour and aired it as a three-hour movie on one night.
I can only imagine how much more boring it would have been with an additional hour.
The story was bad, the acting was worse, and the effects and fight scenes were some of the absolute worst I’ve seen in recent memory.
Overall, I’d have to say that the Lou Ferrigno movie was better than this confused and pointless undertaking.
You can tell that it was originally intended to be some kind of star-studded epic event, but somewhere along the line it lost its way…apparently along with the stars that were supposed to stud it, as Ms. Sobieski, former James Bond Timothy Dalton, LOTR’s Sean Astin, and former Wilma Flintstone Elizabeth Perkins were the biggest “stars” in it.
As for the “losing its way” element, I think that basically NBC decided, “Yeah, this is gonna suck,” and pulled most of its funding, but had spend enough that they figured they were obligated to air it.
That’s my guess, anyway.
I was a little annoyed by the way they played fast and loose with the existing mythology, even though the Kevin Sorbo TV series played very fast and loose with it, and yet I actually used to enjoy that.
Of course, the TV series had a sense of humor and an irreverent charm that made up for its shortcomings in that area, whereas this piece of crap had nothing going for it beyond the numerous near-nude scenes featuring the aforementioned weird-looking Leelee Sobieski, whom, again, as mentioned, I would nail in spite of how weird-looking she is…
In any case, by contrast, tonight’s viewing of “Revenge of the Sith” should be considerably more entertaining.
Given that it is a midnight showing of the movie, I’m sure there will be lots of people there in costume. I figure on bringing my camera to take pictures of some of the more entertaining losers…I mean, freaks – no! – ummm... I mean fans. Yeah, that’s the charitable term for the dorks. Fans.
Honestly, I shouldn’t make fun (though that doesn’t mean that I won’t). After all, I can’t help but envy people, at least a little, who actually have something in their lives that they care that much about.
Also, as dorky and freakish as they may be, the odds are that even some dumbass who shows up the movie dressed as Jar Jar may actually have a sex life beyond the “Hand Solo” (props to Kathleen on that one), which would put him one up on me and my snide condescension.
And even if he doesn’t have one, he’s still no worse off than I am...except for, you know, looking like a complete tool.
In any case, my next entry is likely to be a post-Sith review, either written extremely late at night/early in the morning, or sometime tomorrow before I turn in to prepare for my early Friday morning.
In my head, though, I’ve named pretty much the entire system of trails “Dogshit Alley.”
Much of the foot traffic that the trails see is of the four-footed variety, and despite the presence of some shade trees intended to create the illusion of walking through the wilderness, most of the trails cut through back yards, back yards belonging to a considerable number of dog owners.
I don’t mean to suggest that walking the trails is akin to walking a minefield, as most of the people who take their best friends out for walks are considerate enough to clean up after them, so it is safe to walk with impunity, but the scent does hang rather heavily in the air, so it can be something of an olfactory minefield. This is in large part because people do (or maybe I should say “do do”) pick up after their dogs, depositing the canine care packages in the numerous receptacles set alongside the trails primarily for that purpose.
Said receptacles get a lot of use and a lot of exposure to the rays of the sun, which helps their contents to ripen.
While this may result in a sort of over stimulating bliss brought on by scents both familiar (“Hey! I know that ass!”) and unfamiliar (“Whoa, check out that one! That’s an ass I can’t wait to sniff in person!”) for dogs, who tend not to care so much about whether or not things smell good as long as they smell a lot, for humans, it doesn’t bring on a feeling of ecstasy so much as a feeling of nausea.
Of course, like anything, over time you become desensitized to it.
I’m hoping that happens soon.
Sorry to get off to such a gross start today, but during the walk today it was especially overpowering.
Not much is actually new or interesting so far. Going for a walk has pretty much been the only thing I’ve done for the day.
One thing I have come to notice in all the time spent walking, both this year, and in previous years, is that Ashburn sinks a serious a mount of money into lawn care and landscaping, so when I walk the trails I’m usually trying to make my way around people who are busy mowing or weed-whacking (I said “whacking”), or engaged in some other cultivation of the greenery (having to avoid the water truck that drives along shooting out jets of water is especially irritating). Today, though, my timing was such that I was avoiding stepping on the landscaping guys as they took in a siesta in the shade.
It was kind of funny seeing all of these Hispanic guys who had just dropped down wherever they happened to be, hats pulled down over their faces as they dozed, and I couldn’t help but think that Scott should institute a siesta time for us at work. After all, in that dark, windowless dungeon it’s not as though we’d have to go out in search of shade, and I can just picture us all leaned back in our chairs, feet up on the desk, mouths hanging open, taking a little time out to rejuvenate ourselves in preparation for what remains of our day…
Of course, I can also picture a VP walking through and seeing this, followed by security escorting us all out of the building…
On Monday night I set the DVR to record “Hercules” on NBC, and last night I watched it.
…
About all that I took away from watching it was the reinforcement of the fact that Leelee Sobieski is sort of weird-looking but given the opportunity I would still totally nail her.
In any case, the movie had begun its life as a mini-series, but NBC pared an hour and aired it as a three-hour movie on one night.
I can only imagine how much more boring it would have been with an additional hour.
The story was bad, the acting was worse, and the effects and fight scenes were some of the absolute worst I’ve seen in recent memory.
Overall, I’d have to say that the Lou Ferrigno movie was better than this confused and pointless undertaking.
You can tell that it was originally intended to be some kind of star-studded epic event, but somewhere along the line it lost its way…apparently along with the stars that were supposed to stud it, as Ms. Sobieski, former James Bond Timothy Dalton, LOTR’s Sean Astin, and former Wilma Flintstone Elizabeth Perkins were the biggest “stars” in it.
As for the “losing its way” element, I think that basically NBC decided, “Yeah, this is gonna suck,” and pulled most of its funding, but had spend enough that they figured they were obligated to air it.
That’s my guess, anyway.
I was a little annoyed by the way they played fast and loose with the existing mythology, even though the Kevin Sorbo TV series played very fast and loose with it, and yet I actually used to enjoy that.
Of course, the TV series had a sense of humor and an irreverent charm that made up for its shortcomings in that area, whereas this piece of crap had nothing going for it beyond the numerous near-nude scenes featuring the aforementioned weird-looking Leelee Sobieski, whom, again, as mentioned, I would nail in spite of how weird-looking she is…
In any case, by contrast, tonight’s viewing of “Revenge of the Sith” should be considerably more entertaining.
Given that it is a midnight showing of the movie, I’m sure there will be lots of people there in costume. I figure on bringing my camera to take pictures of some of the more entertaining losers…I mean, freaks – no! – ummm... I mean fans. Yeah, that’s the charitable term for the dorks. Fans.
Honestly, I shouldn’t make fun (though that doesn’t mean that I won’t). After all, I can’t help but envy people, at least a little, who actually have something in their lives that they care that much about.
Also, as dorky and freakish as they may be, the odds are that even some dumbass who shows up the movie dressed as Jar Jar may actually have a sex life beyond the “Hand Solo” (props to Kathleen on that one), which would put him one up on me and my snide condescension.
And even if he doesn’t have one, he’s still no worse off than I am...except for, you know, looking like a complete tool.
In any case, my next entry is likely to be a post-Sith review, either written extremely late at night/early in the morning, or sometime tomorrow before I turn in to prepare for my early Friday morning.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
At Least They're Not "Short" Shorts...
It’s probably a good thing that, as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t really care what other people think.
If I did care, I would no doubt be mortified by the fact that the new shorts I bought today make me look like the biggest dork in the world.
For a variety of reasons I’m not ordinarily inclined to wear shorts, but it was a concession that I became willing to make last summer when I was spending hours outside walking every day.
So far it’s been cool enough out that I can get away with wearing sweat pants when I walk, but I’ve been running into a bit of a problem.
Said problem is that I have too much shit I have to carry with me when I walk. I’ve got my cell phone, my wallet, my keys, and my MP3 player, which doesn’t have a case.
What I’ve been doing is putting my MP3 player in one pocket, my keys and wallet in the other, and wearing a sweatshirt to put my cell phone in one of its pockets.
As the temperature rises, the sweatshirt will be out of the question. The sweat pants could, conceivably, still work, as they are pretty thin and light, but shorts would probably be better. Unfortunately, my existing shorts don’t have any pockets.
Today when I was out shopping I was looking to see if there were any equally light sweat pants with more pockets than my current pair. There were none, but there was a pair of really dorky-looking shorts with pockets to spare.
Because, in this case, function outweigs form, I bought them.
They do work well in carrying all of my stuff…but they look really dorky, particularly as they hang down well below my knees.
Then again, that does help address one of the issues I have with wearing shorts.
My ethnic background is as follows: Finnish, British, and German.
This is not a combination that typically leads to golden tans in the summertime. In pure point of fact, most albinos are only slightly paler than I am. My naturally pale skin has only become that much more vampiric after more than two years spending a good portion of my time holed up in the dark, windowless dungeon that is my work environment.
My point? Years ago I spent an entire summer day outside wearing shorts.
I managed to get severe sunburn on the backs of my knees.
You can imagine how much fun it was to do things like sit. Or walk. Or stand.
Since that time I’ve been wary of wearing shorts other than for swimming, particularly since my skin tends to burn even with extreme SPF sun block.
But now, with my new dorky shorts, the backs of my knees remained covered. Hooray!
In any case, from this day forward as I go walking I will have plenty of carrying capacity.
And I’ll look like a bigger dork than Urkel.
Still, as mentioned, I don’t care what people think, and it’s not like it’s going to have any sort of impact on my ability to impress whatever ladies I might encounter out on the trails.
No, my utter lack of charm and social graces take care of that, rendering my appearance irrelevant.
Of course, the majority of my encounters with ladies on the trails tend to consist of them jogging quickly past me, usually in the opposite direction, and usually while pushing a stroller with at least one baby in it.
Still, I am able to note, as they go past, that most of them smell nice...
In any case, as should be apparent, I went out and did some shopping today, after going for my usual morning walk.
A little over a year ago I weighed about 190 pounds and had a 34” waist.
After I quit smoking and started walking upwards of ten miles every day and being more careful about what I ate, I dropped to a low of 167 pounds and a 30” waist.
Anticipating that I would keep up my healthier lifestyle, I bought a new wardrobe last summer.
Over time, though, as my levels of excess, pointless energy that resulted from quitting smoking died down, I began walking less, and I found myself becoming less disciplined in my eating habits.
Of course, concurrently I began a weight-training regimen which I had hoped would help to compensate for the fact that I wasn’t out walking all the time.
It didn’t.
Not to the extent that I hoped it would, at least, and as I began to gain weight, a significant portion of it was muscle, but a fair amount of it was new fat.
In any case, the end result is that I now weigh 208 pounds, and I have a 33” waist.
The fact that I weigh more and still have a (slightly) smaller waistline does speak to the fact that much of the gain has been muscle, but it is clear that I have some work to do, and the end result is that most of my new wardrobe doesn’t fit anymore.
So today I bought some new jeans, though one of them will need to be brought back, as Old Navy apparently measures differently from the way Levi’s does.
On the topic of the Levi’s, though, I got a hell of a deal on them.
They were on sale at JC Penney for 2 for $55 ($40 each if purchased separately). I thought that was a bargain and, after sifting through the racks, managed to find two pairs.
(As an aside, people who are as short as I am, apparently, are supposed to be much fatter than I am. It’s always difficult to find jeans that have the right waist and inseam size combination.)
Along with the jeans I grabbed two shirts, one on clearance for $13, and the other for $5.
So I was a real bargain hunter, but it got even better.
Before tax, I was expecting my total to be $73, but the grand total was $61, even cheaper than I’d expected. Turns out the jeans were even cheaper than marked, as was one of the shirts.
All told, compared to the regular prices, I saved over $82!
…I just realized that I’m getting excited about saving money on clothes. Clothes, for God’s sake! It’s not like I got a bargain on a PDA or a Tablet PC or something.
*Sigh*
On my way to the mall I stopped to visit Kathleen at her new job and we had lunch together, or rather, I had lunch and she sat with me, as she was about to go to a meeting at which lunch would be provided.
Once I got to the mall I went in to the branch of my bank to make use of their cool new change dealie.
Basically it’s like those “Coinstar” things, but they don’t charge you anything to use it, even if you’re not a customer (though I am a customer, so that part is pretty much irrelevant). I had about $80 worth of change at home, so I thought I’d try it out.
Naturally when I got there I was behind a woman who was cashing in like $1,000 worth of change.
I don’t actually know how much it was, but it was a lot. She had about a dozen bags full of what appeared to be, based on the word “tips” being written on the bags, and how many singles there were mixed in with the change, tip money.
If it was her own, saved-up tip money, I’d say it was a couple of years’ worth.
Either that or she worked somewhere that has some sort of tip sharing system and that she was cashing it all in to deposit it into the payroll account or something.
In any case, it took a very long time for her to finish up.
As she neared the end, she turned to me and apologetically stated that she was almost done.
I smiled and shrugged congenially, thinking that, given who I am, something like this was completely unavoidable anyway, and that sometimes it’s pointless to rail against your fate.
She was actually kind of cute, but she was married, and had two kids, one of whom was in a stroller. The older kid, a girl, was pretty darned adorable, though, and I was amazed at how patient and well-behaved they were.
I love my nieces and nephews very much, but I can’t imagine the kind of havoc that would ensue if my sister’s kids were forced to try to stay quiet and out of trouble for that long…
In any case, that’s going to do it for this entry. I may be back later.
If I did care, I would no doubt be mortified by the fact that the new shorts I bought today make me look like the biggest dork in the world.
For a variety of reasons I’m not ordinarily inclined to wear shorts, but it was a concession that I became willing to make last summer when I was spending hours outside walking every day.
So far it’s been cool enough out that I can get away with wearing sweat pants when I walk, but I’ve been running into a bit of a problem.
Said problem is that I have too much shit I have to carry with me when I walk. I’ve got my cell phone, my wallet, my keys, and my MP3 player, which doesn’t have a case.
What I’ve been doing is putting my MP3 player in one pocket, my keys and wallet in the other, and wearing a sweatshirt to put my cell phone in one of its pockets.
As the temperature rises, the sweatshirt will be out of the question. The sweat pants could, conceivably, still work, as they are pretty thin and light, but shorts would probably be better. Unfortunately, my existing shorts don’t have any pockets.
Today when I was out shopping I was looking to see if there were any equally light sweat pants with more pockets than my current pair. There were none, but there was a pair of really dorky-looking shorts with pockets to spare.
Because, in this case, function outweigs form, I bought them.
They do work well in carrying all of my stuff…but they look really dorky, particularly as they hang down well below my knees.
Then again, that does help address one of the issues I have with wearing shorts.
My ethnic background is as follows: Finnish, British, and German.
This is not a combination that typically leads to golden tans in the summertime. In pure point of fact, most albinos are only slightly paler than I am. My naturally pale skin has only become that much more vampiric after more than two years spending a good portion of my time holed up in the dark, windowless dungeon that is my work environment.
My point? Years ago I spent an entire summer day outside wearing shorts.
I managed to get severe sunburn on the backs of my knees.
You can imagine how much fun it was to do things like sit. Or walk. Or stand.
Since that time I’ve been wary of wearing shorts other than for swimming, particularly since my skin tends to burn even with extreme SPF sun block.
But now, with my new dorky shorts, the backs of my knees remained covered. Hooray!
In any case, from this day forward as I go walking I will have plenty of carrying capacity.
And I’ll look like a bigger dork than Urkel.
Still, as mentioned, I don’t care what people think, and it’s not like it’s going to have any sort of impact on my ability to impress whatever ladies I might encounter out on the trails.
No, my utter lack of charm and social graces take care of that, rendering my appearance irrelevant.
Of course, the majority of my encounters with ladies on the trails tend to consist of them jogging quickly past me, usually in the opposite direction, and usually while pushing a stroller with at least one baby in it.
Still, I am able to note, as they go past, that most of them smell nice...
In any case, as should be apparent, I went out and did some shopping today, after going for my usual morning walk.
A little over a year ago I weighed about 190 pounds and had a 34” waist.
After I quit smoking and started walking upwards of ten miles every day and being more careful about what I ate, I dropped to a low of 167 pounds and a 30” waist.
Anticipating that I would keep up my healthier lifestyle, I bought a new wardrobe last summer.
Over time, though, as my levels of excess, pointless energy that resulted from quitting smoking died down, I began walking less, and I found myself becoming less disciplined in my eating habits.
Of course, concurrently I began a weight-training regimen which I had hoped would help to compensate for the fact that I wasn’t out walking all the time.
It didn’t.
Not to the extent that I hoped it would, at least, and as I began to gain weight, a significant portion of it was muscle, but a fair amount of it was new fat.
In any case, the end result is that I now weigh 208 pounds, and I have a 33” waist.
The fact that I weigh more and still have a (slightly) smaller waistline does speak to the fact that much of the gain has been muscle, but it is clear that I have some work to do, and the end result is that most of my new wardrobe doesn’t fit anymore.
So today I bought some new jeans, though one of them will need to be brought back, as Old Navy apparently measures differently from the way Levi’s does.
On the topic of the Levi’s, though, I got a hell of a deal on them.
They were on sale at JC Penney for 2 for $55 ($40 each if purchased separately). I thought that was a bargain and, after sifting through the racks, managed to find two pairs.
(As an aside, people who are as short as I am, apparently, are supposed to be much fatter than I am. It’s always difficult to find jeans that have the right waist and inseam size combination.)
Along with the jeans I grabbed two shirts, one on clearance for $13, and the other for $5.
So I was a real bargain hunter, but it got even better.
Before tax, I was expecting my total to be $73, but the grand total was $61, even cheaper than I’d expected. Turns out the jeans were even cheaper than marked, as was one of the shirts.
All told, compared to the regular prices, I saved over $82!
…I just realized that I’m getting excited about saving money on clothes. Clothes, for God’s sake! It’s not like I got a bargain on a PDA or a Tablet PC or something.
*Sigh*
On my way to the mall I stopped to visit Kathleen at her new job and we had lunch together, or rather, I had lunch and she sat with me, as she was about to go to a meeting at which lunch would be provided.
Once I got to the mall I went in to the branch of my bank to make use of their cool new change dealie.
Basically it’s like those “Coinstar” things, but they don’t charge you anything to use it, even if you’re not a customer (though I am a customer, so that part is pretty much irrelevant). I had about $80 worth of change at home, so I thought I’d try it out.
Naturally when I got there I was behind a woman who was cashing in like $1,000 worth of change.
I don’t actually know how much it was, but it was a lot. She had about a dozen bags full of what appeared to be, based on the word “tips” being written on the bags, and how many singles there were mixed in with the change, tip money.
If it was her own, saved-up tip money, I’d say it was a couple of years’ worth.
Either that or she worked somewhere that has some sort of tip sharing system and that she was cashing it all in to deposit it into the payroll account or something.
In any case, it took a very long time for her to finish up.
As she neared the end, she turned to me and apologetically stated that she was almost done.
I smiled and shrugged congenially, thinking that, given who I am, something like this was completely unavoidable anyway, and that sometimes it’s pointless to rail against your fate.
She was actually kind of cute, but she was married, and had two kids, one of whom was in a stroller. The older kid, a girl, was pretty darned adorable, though, and I was amazed at how patient and well-behaved they were.
I love my nieces and nephews very much, but I can’t imagine the kind of havoc that would ensue if my sister’s kids were forced to try to stay quiet and out of trouble for that long…
In any case, that’s going to do it for this entry. I may be back later.
Monday, May 16, 2005
Do-Nothing Day
I talked to my dad today and he sounded good, but tired. I guess he’s been up and around and seems to be doing well. It looks like he’ll actually be going home tomorrow already.
My mother told him that once he’s fully recovered she’s going to kick his ass for scaring her so much.
I’m inclined to tell her to hit him once for me.
In all seriousness, though, I am, of course, incredibly relieved. Like pretty much everyone else in my family, all Friday morning I was having pretty intense sympathy chest pains that finally went away hours after my mother called to tell me that he’d made it through the surgery.
There’s a rather odd coincidence surrounding my dad’s surgery.
Fifteen years ago, almost to the day, my dad’s father had bypass surgery. My dad’s was on May 13th, 2005, his dad’s on May 10th, 1990.
My grandfather’s surgery took place just a couple of weeks before my high school graduation. My dad’s surgery took place just a couple of weeks before Jourdan’s high school graduation.
I don’t know that there’s any significance to that, but it is an odd coincidence, and I wasn’t the only one who noticed it.
It does mean that my mother knows how to take care of my dad once he’s home, though, as she took care of my grandfather after his surgery fifteen years ago.
I didn’t go home for the surgery simply because I’m going to be there next week anyway. If my sisters and my brother hadn’t been there to help my mom out, then obviously I would have gone home, but under the circumstances my mother didn’t want me (or my brother Brad, who’s currently in Rhode Island) going through the trouble.
When I woke up this morning and saw that it was after 10 I decided that I was going to devote the day to not doing anything, and dozed off for another half an hour.
After I got up I did not much of anything for a while, then called the hospital and talked to my dad.
After that, I took a nap.
Once I got up I went for a walk.
When I came back I made dinner. After that I killed some time, and now here I am, writing this.
On Wednesday night, or, more properly, Thursday morning, I’m going to see “Revenge of the Sith” with Scott and several other people. It’s the very first showing at 12:01 am.
It should be interesting, considering that there are a bunch of us going as a group, yet most of us have tickets for different theaters within the multiplex.
We’re going to try to do some swapping with people once we get there to try to get us all into the same theater, though.
In other movie news, Robert Rodriguez has stated that he will begin back-to-back filming of two “Sin City” sequels in February. No word on which SC yarns will be included. Personally, I’d like to see “A Dame To Kill For” and “To Hell and Back” as their own, standalone movies, with maybe a couple of the really short stories sprinkled in as bookends, or as sort of side-stories.
But then again, the three main stories that made up the first movie could have each stood alone, but it worked to put them together in one movie, so who knows? If they took that approach again, it would probably allow them to squeeze in “Family Values” as well, which would be the only remaining lengthy story.
By the way, the “Sin City” DVD will be released on August 19th.
Last night I watched an entertaining new “reality” show on VH1 called “BSTV.” It’s basically a “Punk’d” sort of show that uses the desire that people have for fame as comedic fodder.
For example, they held a phony casting call for a reality show in which contestants compete for the right to flip the switch for a televised execution in Texas. It was funny to watch, if somewhat distressing to see just how low people are willing to sink for a chance at fame and fortune. One person, in fact, had insisted that he’s opposed to the death penalty, and would therefore not be willing to participate in the show…until they told him that a lot of money was involved.
The segment I found most amusing, though, involved Jenna Lewis, who is apparently from “Survivor,” but I only know her from her wedding night video, which found its way onto the Internet.
In any case, she thought she was participating in some new show in which celebrities surprise their biggest fans by showing up at their homes. In her case, she was supposed to pretend to be delivering flowers. If her fan recognized her and realized that she was not just a flower delivery person, he would receive $500.
Of course, the whole thing was a set-up. The person she was delivering the flowers to was an actor, as was his “wife,” who proved to be the world’s biggest bitch.
It was fun to watch Jenna stand by helplessly while the woman screamed at her husband about how she hate surprises and refused to allow him to accept the flowers or the money, and, in fact, sent him to his room.
With so many reality shows rewarding negative behavior, it’s refreshing to see a show like this, which takes people to task for being attention whores.
Plus it’s fun to watch people get messed with.
On Saturday I had the DVR record “Alien Planet” on the Discovery Channel, and last night I watched it.
It was interesting, but I was a little disappointed by it.
The point of the show as to explore an alien world and study the life forms existing there through simulations based on what many scientists think life might be like on other worlds.
The problem I had with it was with the approach that they took. I had hoped that they would set up the parameters of the world first, and then use evolutionary principles to determine what sort of life might develop there.
It seemed as though they did things backwards, though, first creating weird-looking and, on Earth, at least, improbable animals, then creating a system in which they might develop.
At least that’s the impression I got.
Still, it was interesting, and I doubt that it was very well received in the Bible Belt…
My mother told him that once he’s fully recovered she’s going to kick his ass for scaring her so much.
I’m inclined to tell her to hit him once for me.
In all seriousness, though, I am, of course, incredibly relieved. Like pretty much everyone else in my family, all Friday morning I was having pretty intense sympathy chest pains that finally went away hours after my mother called to tell me that he’d made it through the surgery.
There’s a rather odd coincidence surrounding my dad’s surgery.
Fifteen years ago, almost to the day, my dad’s father had bypass surgery. My dad’s was on May 13th, 2005, his dad’s on May 10th, 1990.
My grandfather’s surgery took place just a couple of weeks before my high school graduation. My dad’s surgery took place just a couple of weeks before Jourdan’s high school graduation.
I don’t know that there’s any significance to that, but it is an odd coincidence, and I wasn’t the only one who noticed it.
It does mean that my mother knows how to take care of my dad once he’s home, though, as she took care of my grandfather after his surgery fifteen years ago.
I didn’t go home for the surgery simply because I’m going to be there next week anyway. If my sisters and my brother hadn’t been there to help my mom out, then obviously I would have gone home, but under the circumstances my mother didn’t want me (or my brother Brad, who’s currently in Rhode Island) going through the trouble.
When I woke up this morning and saw that it was after 10 I decided that I was going to devote the day to not doing anything, and dozed off for another half an hour.
After I got up I did not much of anything for a while, then called the hospital and talked to my dad.
After that, I took a nap.
Once I got up I went for a walk.
When I came back I made dinner. After that I killed some time, and now here I am, writing this.
On Wednesday night, or, more properly, Thursday morning, I’m going to see “Revenge of the Sith” with Scott and several other people. It’s the very first showing at 12:01 am.
It should be interesting, considering that there are a bunch of us going as a group, yet most of us have tickets for different theaters within the multiplex.
We’re going to try to do some swapping with people once we get there to try to get us all into the same theater, though.
In other movie news, Robert Rodriguez has stated that he will begin back-to-back filming of two “Sin City” sequels in February. No word on which SC yarns will be included. Personally, I’d like to see “A Dame To Kill For” and “To Hell and Back” as their own, standalone movies, with maybe a couple of the really short stories sprinkled in as bookends, or as sort of side-stories.
But then again, the three main stories that made up the first movie could have each stood alone, but it worked to put them together in one movie, so who knows? If they took that approach again, it would probably allow them to squeeze in “Family Values” as well, which would be the only remaining lengthy story.
By the way, the “Sin City” DVD will be released on August 19th.
Last night I watched an entertaining new “reality” show on VH1 called “BSTV.” It’s basically a “Punk’d” sort of show that uses the desire that people have for fame as comedic fodder.
For example, they held a phony casting call for a reality show in which contestants compete for the right to flip the switch for a televised execution in Texas. It was funny to watch, if somewhat distressing to see just how low people are willing to sink for a chance at fame and fortune. One person, in fact, had insisted that he’s opposed to the death penalty, and would therefore not be willing to participate in the show…until they told him that a lot of money was involved.
The segment I found most amusing, though, involved Jenna Lewis, who is apparently from “Survivor,” but I only know her from her wedding night video, which found its way onto the Internet.
In any case, she thought she was participating in some new show in which celebrities surprise their biggest fans by showing up at their homes. In her case, she was supposed to pretend to be delivering flowers. If her fan recognized her and realized that she was not just a flower delivery person, he would receive $500.
Of course, the whole thing was a set-up. The person she was delivering the flowers to was an actor, as was his “wife,” who proved to be the world’s biggest bitch.
It was fun to watch Jenna stand by helplessly while the woman screamed at her husband about how she hate surprises and refused to allow him to accept the flowers or the money, and, in fact, sent him to his room.
With so many reality shows rewarding negative behavior, it’s refreshing to see a show like this, which takes people to task for being attention whores.
Plus it’s fun to watch people get messed with.
On Saturday I had the DVR record “Alien Planet” on the Discovery Channel, and last night I watched it.
It was interesting, but I was a little disappointed by it.
The point of the show as to explore an alien world and study the life forms existing there through simulations based on what many scientists think life might be like on other worlds.
The problem I had with it was with the approach that they took. I had hoped that they would set up the parameters of the world first, and then use evolutionary principles to determine what sort of life might develop there.
It seemed as though they did things backwards, though, first creating weird-looking and, on Earth, at least, improbable animals, then creating a system in which they might develop.
At least that’s the impression I got.
Still, it was interesting, and I doubt that it was very well received in the Bible Belt…
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